Anyway, today my sister and I will be spending the day together, I don't know what exactly we're going to be doing but she's down from university for Thanksgiving. Though she's come up almost every weekend since school started, it's always nice to see her, even though she does nothing but asks for things and teases me about my bisexuality. I suppose you could say I'm straight now, as I'm single and not looking to start a relationship with another woman; I'm basically just sitting here hoping that one day some boy will look at me and think maybe he wants to start a conversation over coffee or something dreamy and romantic like that. Of course, no boy has ever been interested in me, though my roommates used to insist I was pretty, but the girls they brought over to "hang out with" were always much prettier and had nicer figures than me. The only people who have takin interest in me are either out of the country, or across it. Ironic, yes?
My best friend and roommate thinks it's because I don't "put myself out there". Well, I'll tell you something. My self esteem is so goddamn low that when I look in the mirror I sigh and wish I didn't look the way I did. I've been told by some special people that I am beautiful, gorgeous. I don't believe a lick of it. When I look in the mirror, I see a girl I don't know, a 19 year old who hasn't changed since she was 12. Sure, I've gotten taller, and more confident in my people skills. I'm fully able to talk to people at work and laugh, enjoy myself, and chat with the clients. However, when it comes to being out in the real world on my days off, say hanging around my friend's work where the people recognize me as the girl who occaisionally brings her Starbucks, I can't seem to speak to anyone or start a conversation. I instead cling to her like I've never seen anyone else, and regress into an extremely shy little girl who is mistaken for "cold" and "unfriendly".
Argh. A writer cannot write with a an in her basement suite hammering away and trying to finish the shower in our bathroom. It's rather annoying. It has to be done. I understand that completely. And I really want to get some stuff done as well. I had to throw my kittens in my bedroom so they didn't get in the man's way. They're so awful, running all around, and he threw them into the garage to keep them busy, then we couldn't find them. The moron. I mean...they're five month old kittens, and you toss them into the garage to "play"? No, that's not acceptable. So we hunted them down and I put them in the bedroom with their kibble and litterbox, and hopefully they won't get into too much trouble. I would go in there and get some stuff unpacked, but I'm so tired, and my sister will be here in an hour and a half, and I'd much rather sit on the couch, do some writing, and listen to Caravan Palace's "L'envol", among other eclectic songs on my iTunes library. Ah well. I have tea, music, and an open document on a blog no one reads. Who could ask for more?
Right now I'm falling behind on my new diet, and though I feel bad about it, I'm going with Jenna Marbles' rule: "If you want something, eat it. Then you won't want it anymore." So far my cheats have been a couple of Timbits at work, a doughnut my roommate gave me, and a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs that was brought to me by a proud 9 year old who insisted she'd helped make it. So the first week or so has gone pretty well. Today I've had a bowl of raisin bran and a cup of tea I've had to heat up twice since I made it, almost two hours ago. I just keep forgetting about it.
Our living room is shaping up nicely. The mom of the house got all the little girl's toys out of here, and instantly it looks so much better. What an improvement! I'm hoping to get our desk set up in the corner tonight or tomorrow, and put our computers on there so they aren't on the floor and coffee table all the time. My favourite futon is set up too, and though I'm sitting on the red couch, it's within my sights, and that's a comfort. I love it so much, it's so comfy, and the kittens remember it from the apartment, so it's nice for them to have too. I'm getting along pretty well with the other inhabitants of the house. The mom is not so bad as I thought she'd be...she tends to be a bit of a tyrant when it comes to the bathroom and kitchen; mostly she's a cleanfreak. The dad is away all day, like I am usually, and he spends most of his time on the couch upstairs or working on the house, so there's not too much room for chitchat. The little girl, their youngest daughter, is not so bad either. She tends to leave me alone, which is what I really wanted, since in the apartment I had so much alone time it was almost painful. But I loved it, at the same time. The fact that it was always quiet...I could do whatever I wanted without running into other people. It's not that way here, but at least there's some good things. Maybe it's better to be surrounded by other people, and not alone all the time. Of course it's taking some getting used to. My favourite thing about the apartment was the warmth. It's always cold here. Another good thing for the apartment was the fact that I could put things wherever I wanted. Here, I have to wait for some stuff to get cleared out before I can unload my things. It's getting better though. Our living room is shaping up nicely, and when that and the bathroom are finished and everything is basically unpacked, my new bedroom will get started, and then I'll have my own space. It'll be glorious, but a little scary. I've spent the better part of a year sleeping next to my friend in her double bed; suddenly I'll have to sleep alone, and it'll be weird for me. Plus I'll be cold!
Anyway, I guess that's it for this one. Here's today's quote, lyric, and picture.
Today's quote: "Love me less, but love me a long time." - Les Chansons d'Amour
Today's lyric: "You said you loved me, and I tried to believe that, but these days, who knows what it means?" - The Real Tuesday Weld, 'Last Words'
Today's picture: Just an image of me, about a month ago, before I cut my hair.
