SMQ (10)

1. 91. Who is the person that you feel most altered the course of your morals and values, and how did they affect you?
   Obviously, that has to be my best friend, favourite model, roommate, and partner in crime. She's my whole world. 
   92.  Where do you see yourself, so far as your goals, personal development, or job, in 5 years, and how do you plan to arrive at this destination?
   Okay, so I just posted this rant about angst on this blog, you can go and read that if you want a background of where I'm at for all this right now. As for in 5 years...goal wise, I want to be somewhere. I want to be doing something worthwhile. I want to mean something to somebody. I want a house, a dog, a baby, and I'd be satisfied still working at the vet, but at a higher pay than I'm making right now (if I was to have a child, after all).  Personal development...a baby, a better body, clear skin. Whatever. Job, I just answered that. To arrive at this destination...I guess I just have to be better at everything. We'll see how that goes. 
   93. What is your earliest, or happiest, memory?
   My earliest memory is of my mom putting my first birthday cake in front of me. I still remember it as a yellow cake with white frosting and strawberries. I have some pictures of this event - ironically, I am the only one of my siblings who didn't just take fistfuls of cake and smush them in my face (at least there's no photos to prove that I did!). 
   94. Which amendment of the constitution is most important to you, and why?
   I live in Canada. *snicker*
   95. Is speech always free? When and where might it not be free?
   Is speech always free? I suppose. Was it always free? No, definitely not. When might it not be? A courtroom is the only thing that comes to mind, haha. That damn judge will always cut you off!
   96. Put yourself in Anne Frank's place. Would you have survived?
   Oh god, probably not. I'm such a coward I would have been caught right away.
   97. If you witnessed a fight at school would you report it? What would be the repercussions if you told the truth?
   I usually tried to stay away from fights that took place at school. And really, the teachers found out about it pretty fast, because kids were always running through the school trying to get more kids to come out and watch, so there was a resounding chorus of "FIGHT! FIGHT!" echoing through the halls when something like this happened. It rarely needed to be reported. If I was a witness and was asked to recount what happened, I'm sure I'd tell the truth, because it wouldn't make a difference to me. Usually if some students witness something like this, they aren't questioned or anything. And if they were, it'd probably be anonymous, so as far as repercussions go, the other students might look at you like a "snitch", but you wouldn't be in the wrong.
   98. What will be the first thing you do when you get your driver's license?
   Depends on what license you're talking about. Here in BC, when you pass your first test, you get your Learner's, which gives you a year to learn everything (either with a paid teacher in a class, or by your parents/guardian etc), and then you take your test for your Novice license. The Learner allows you a year to learn the rules of the road, how to do different turns, etc. You have to drive with someone who's 25 or older with a valid driver's license. When you pass your Novice test, you are on this for 2 years, and you can drive by yourself, one other person, or as many family members as you like. So if I had my Learner's, the first thing I'd do is ask my mom to teach me. She taught my sister, and my sister's a good driver. I'd also get tips from my roommate who has had her N for almost a year now. If I had my Novice, the first thing I'd do is take my roommate and I for a spin together. That's what she did when she passed. We just drove around town for the sake of being able to. It's such a freedom. I'm thinking of going for my L test soonish. Driving is not something I'm really into, but it's good to know how in case of emergency. 
   99. What would you do if you woke up one morning with a tail?
   Depends on what type of tail! I'd probably have to figure out someway to hide it in my clothing.
   10. How would you react if you found out you were to be the first child in space?
   First, I'm not a child. Second, I'd be scared shitless. I can barely fly in a plane without having a panic attack!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

(Almost) Teenage Angst

I'm stuck.

I wonder why I can't seem to figure out what to do with my life. Some days I feel the initiative to sign up for some online English course (as writing is  my true passion), sometimes it's photography, sometimes I want to look back at my "work" and sob for how painfully pathetic it all is. Sometimes I think I'm good - most of the time, though, I look at what other people put out, and I feel so unimportant, insignificant, unseen. I wish I could be confidently proud of something. 

Some days, I think that being a mother would be my calling. I dream of pregnancy. I dream of a little one that's part of me. I dream of all these things, and then I remember that I'm working a job that might collapse at any time, and that no one in their right mind will ever get me pregnant, because who wants to mix with bad genes? The only guy who ever found me attractive was too immature to realize that maybe I'm a little more than "fun and games"...and it didn't help that my heart still belonged to someone else the whole time. I really did think I was ready to try with someone new. For the most part I enjoyed being with him...he was fun, he was romantic, but like I said before, he was immature, and he was skin deep. He was, all in all, a mistake. 

I wish that I could be beautiful, skinny, attractive, witty. I think these things constantly. The point is though, that I am too depressed, too lazy, too angsty to do anything about it. Just when I start "dieting" or "exercising" I end up falling into the same hole. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted to being lazy and eating crap food. I know better. This is what gets me - I  know better, and I still do it. I drink mocha's every morning. I have junk on a daily basis. I know bagels are bad for me and I eat them all the time anyway. I know junk food is bad and in the grocery store we usually leave with something along those lines...yes we try to be better (we're eating more fruit/vegetables all the time now), but in the end it's convenience. I hate cooking, and while it's fun in it's own time, when I work 8 hours and don't get home until 6 I don't want to cook! I still have to shower so by then it's 6:30, and all I want is to pull something easy out of the fridge. We have all the fixings - brown rice, fusilli pasta, fruit, vegetables, frozen berries...yes, we do have some staple healthy foods. But really I don't think I understand the concept of "healthy". My coworker, skinny as a stick, is gluten-intolerant so she can only eat veggies and stuff. Sometimes I think it'd be easier for me if I absolutely COULDN'T eat these things. 

Besides this angst, there's also the money angst. I have enough to pay my bills and have extra for mocha's every day and occasional things that I don't need to have (like makeup, junk food, etc). For some reason, with the wonderful credit card debt, I keep having this pressing feeling that I'm forgetting to pay something, and then I remember that my cell phone bill is due in 5 days, or that I'm almost in overdraft, or that my loan from the bank isn't actually paid off yet (almost!). I don't know why, but it seems I have more plans than I have money. I need to sock more away into savings than I am. I think what I lack in general is discipline. When I see things in stores I just want to BUY all the time. >.< I'm such a consumer. Sigh.

OKAY...that's enough angst I think...I'll update if I suddenly know what I'm doing with my life, but I think for now I'll have to keep working my butt off and being lazy. Maybe get a dog. I don't know.