But back to my thought about pretty girls. When I see Facebook pictures, model images, or even a particularly beautiful girl in person, I find this jealousy overwhelming me. It's akin to the jealousy when I see someone else's engagement ring, their loving relationship, or young baby. It's that beauty, that promise, that constant affection, and new life, that I crave and know, desperately so, that I can't have. It's an almost painful yearning for a life better than the one I'm currently living. Of course, as any incredibly anxious young person does, I feel that I must live out this part of my life, waiting always for the day when I'll be older, better, and more set. Then again, that is the exact feeling I had when I was going through high school. And now, over a year past my graduation, I've done nothing but work, work, work. Granted, I've been at the same place of work for exactly a year now, and I've been through 3 sections of the building now (boarding for 10 months, grooming for 6 weeks, and I'm in my second week for reception). I find it both surreal, and fitting. I'm hoping that I'm proving myself versatile in the clinic setting.
The job I'm doing now is very stressful. Yes, it's a lot of sitting behind a desk. Yes, I am not physically straining myself over a bathtub working with dogs anymore. It's straining in a mental way. Because almost everything I'm doing right now is brand new, I'm petrified of making a mistake, or saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, or forgeting something. It's difficult to be friendly and cheerful for the clients when inside, I'm screaming fear and angst. Of course, I put on my best face, and I'm sure my coworkers think I'm friendly too. It's just so much to take in, and while I have a notebook filled with things to remember, it's hard to flip through a notebook when helping a client, when they call because they want answers to their questions and expect us to have them. I'm just not...as quick to the draw as the other girls. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself along.
So, the final thing for this entry that I want to touch on is the fact that Boyfriend and I haven't had a cohesive conversation in a few days, and it's largely due to me being more stressed out and confused then ever, and him trying to understand me, and failing. I mean, if I don't even understand me, what makes me think he ever could?
Picture: Cause I'm lazy and this pic made me laugh. So that's all you're getting. :P
