World Is Changing

First of all, if you haven't seen this yet please go listen to it now:

Nick Pitera never ceases to amaze me.

On to less important ramblings.

I lay on the couch tonight with animal surrounding me, the Christmas tree alight in the corner, sipping vanilla Smirnoff on ice. Yes, vanilla flavored, because I am a lady 20-something who likes her alcohol to taste like something else.

If I'm being honest with you, internet, this last month or so has been an odd and particularly hard one for me. 

I continue to fall into a haze on more than one occasion. Someone will ask me a question and I'll retort with a bite more severe than my simple intention. I will be offered comfort, love, and understanding, and I turn my back. I am given an opportunity to voice my opinion, and I say the first thing on my mind which is often not what I wanted my first words to be. I lose time. I lose sleep. I lose memory and I lose thoughts.

I spent the early part of the month reeling from what was a combination of sudden knowledge of something that happened in my personal life, as well as something very pivotal that happened at work, as well as the death of someone who has been very close with our family of five growing up (not to say that he is not also important to the rest of our family, being one of my dad's younger siblings). So while this month began with loss, emotion, pain, and ultimately, pushing through, the feeling of hazy manic depression has crept back. And this time it's here with a vengeance. 

Some days I have no appetite. I will go the entire day consuming nothing but coffee and water. Other days, I have 3 meals, constant snacks in between and still I am constantly hungry. Other days still, foods that normally would not upset my stomach suddenly do now. 

Lately I've been having what I call vegan cinnamon almond oatmeal. I recently found some certified wheat-free oats and I pour some into a bowl, the amount depends on the bowl and how hungry I feel. I've never been a good measure with pouring things into bowls. But I digress. I add some brown sugar, a healthy dose of cinnamon, some ground ginger, then hot water. I mix that up and add lots of almond milk - I have always liked my oatmeal milky - and some raw almonds on top. It's sweet, it's a little spicy (not spicy hot, but spicy with the cinnamon and ginger), it's hot and it's comforting. 

 I've also been obsessed with hot chocolate - yeah, okay, it's not vegan and it's probably more processed sugar than one should consume. But I don't know what it is, I just can't stop having it on a daily basis. I could live off hot chocolate.

*shudder* Vodka has a good kick sometimes. Ice and vanilla kill it a little but not completely. Where were we?

Ah, yes, the latest obsession with chocolate. I swear, our clients are so good to us they're killing us slowly. Why doesn't anyone ever bring a veggie plate as a Christmas gift, huh? Thankfully because of the whole gluten thing I've managed to avoid most of it, but it hasn't stopped me getting into the Lindor truffles, among other things. But those Lindor truffles are my weakness. They are seriously so amazing.

I am almost completely done with my shopping now. As much fun as it is shopping for other people (and I really mean that), it'll be nice to finally call it done and start wrapping. I'm going to pick up the last few things tomorrow - a few chocolate gifts for friends of the family, my landlord, neighbour, and nail tech. 

Does anyone else listen to music just to feel better?

My go-to "I'm sad and want to dive deeper" songs:

"High Hopes" - Kodaline (really anything Kodaline, but this one always gets me)

"Say Something" - cover by Victoria Justice and Max Schneider

"Hallelujah" - Rufus Wainwright

"Someone Like You" - Adele

"What The Water Gave Me" - Florence + The Machine

"Just A Dream" - cover by Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie

"Ma Memoire Sale" - from Chansons d'Amour, sung by Louis Garrel

"Walking Backwards" - Sam Tsui

"Belief" - Gavin Degraw (stripped version)

"A Thousand Years"/"Jar of Hearts" - Christina Perri

"Give Me Love" - cover by Max Schneider

And on a completely different note, random songs I'm loving right now:

"Try" - cover by Max Schneider

"Love Me Harder" - Ariana Grande and the Weeknd

"Blame" ft John Newman - Calvin Harris

"Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeren

"Ghost" - Ella Henderson

"Centuries" - Fall Out Boy

"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" - Rufus Wainwright

"Magic" - Coldplay

"Sweater Weather" - The Neighbourhood

"Monsoons" - The Puscifer

"Chandelier" - Sia

"Troubles" - U2

"Often" - The Weeknd

"Blank Space" - Taylor Swift

"Angel in Blue Jeans" - Train

"Kill and Run" - Sia for the Great Gatsby

"Grey Area" - Sam Tsui

"Little Lion Man"/"I Will Wait" - Mumford and Sons

"The A Team" - Ed Sheeren

Alright guys, I think that's enough for one night. I'm going to finish my drink, wash my face and try to sleep. I wish you all the best for the end of the year if I don't post on here before then. Merry Christmas and I hope your 2015 treats you well.

xx

Cleanse Day 4/5: Making Adjustments

Good afternoon, internet people!

So on Day 4, I was reminded that I have a birthday dinner to go to this weekend, and while I know how to work the menu and have something as clean and veggie based as possible, the timing falls on the last cleanse day. Also, weirdly enough, I was way too hungry yesterday. So what i decided to do instead was a 4.5 day cleanse, so I could do this birthday dinner (not my birthday, btw). 

So yesterday I actually had 8 juices rather than 6, which worked out because it ended up being a bit of a longer day. This way, too, I wasn't getting hungry later in the night and end up eating something because I ran out of juice. I spaced it as normal, and drank more water of course to compensate. 

Today (day 5), I have 4 juices to space over the morning and afternoon. So that's my plan of attack for today, it seems to be working so far. This may be considered cheating, but it's the only way I could do all the things I intended to in the first place. 

I'm proud of myself for making it this far. Tomorrow I'll be posting my overview and thoughts about the cleanse in general, anything else I experienced, and if I would do it again!

Thanks for reading! xx

Cleanse Day 3: Chill Out Day

Shortly after I posted day 2, I started feeling that lovely pain again and this time it was for a legitimate reason. So now, on the one set of days that women are given free license to eat their weight in chocolate and greasy food and expensive lattes, I am drinking raw, cold-pressed juice. 

Which is not to say I'm knocking the juices. They're still good and I do feel that my digestion has improved and my belly is not as bloated as it usually is at this time of the month. However, the pain is significantly worse. I spent the day, therefore, lying on the couch snuggling a puppy and watching Frozen, Bones, and Youtube videos while a storm raged outside. For the pain, I'd avoided taking any medications during the cleanse as well, and though my headache was bad at times, I held out and didn't take anything for it. So the same went for the cramps. Instead, I took a friend's advice and microwaved a small towel to bring myself some relief. I don't have a hot water bottle or bean bag - the towel doesn't hold on to heat like those do, of course - but this was enough to get by. 

In hindsight, I should have just started with 3 days. I'm now on Day 4 and while I'm not "hungry", I'm itching for a salad, a latte, hummus, SOMETHING. I think I just am wanting more variety. I've had the same "menu" for 3 days, and I don't think I properly thought it through. I didn't think I'd get bored. Yes, there are 6 very different juices to have throughout the day, but they're the same 6 juices. If I were to do this again, I think I'd do 3 days, and maybe customize it. The website gives you the option to do that. For the first time, not even halfway into day 4 of my juices, I am about ready to throw in the towel and just drink them between small meals. But, my determination has held out for me so far. I think I would be disappointed in myself if I quit now.

Now for the day's struggle - I have to go downtown today but the storm has gotten worse and I really don't want to leave the house. Maia needs a walk but it's so icky out she barely wants to pee outside. 

Anyway, there's my bitching for the day, haha. I'm going to finish my second juice and play with the pup for a bit. Thanks for reading, all that do. 

xx

Clease Day 2: Changes?

Good afternoon, guys!

Read Day 1 here for info on what the juices taste like: Cleanse Day 1 

Day 2, the juices started tasting better to me than they did the first day. I definitely noted more hunger when I went longer between juices. 

This may be a little TMI, but i feel it's important to mention. Last night, about half an hour or so after finishing my last juice, I was lying down reading before bed and began to feel a "cramp-like" pain in my lower abdomen. I figured it was just normal cramps, so I got up and did what I had to do, and rolled around in bed in excruciating pain for about another hour before I was finally able to sleep. 

Now for more TMI. When I woke up this morning I felt normal, and hadn't bled at all. So was it really cramps, or was it some side effect of the detox? I'm not sure because the only other detox symptoms I've had have been the caffeine headache, which has finally left in its entirety (at least for now). This morning I had my water, first juice, another glass of water and then lost track of time so I'm having my second juice now, about 3 hours late. Whoops. I don't feel hungry, but the cramping feeling is back. I honestly can't tell if it's normal "that time of the month" pain or if it's the detox. Either way, it's not as bad as it was last night, and otherwise I'm doing well.

It's a blustery day here, wind and rain, gloomy clouds. I'm proud of myself that I've done this right so far. For the last almost week, all I've wanted is a hot Starbucks latte. I am definitely going to have to ease myself back into coffee, but I doubt I'll go back to meat. Maybe on special occasions, or for dinners out etc, but as it is I don't eat a lot of meat in those situations anyway. Usually chicken or fish. I want to decrease my dairy intake as well. I'll see how hard it is to reincorporate those things into my diet after this is done. Ironically I have to go out for dinner on Sunday, so I'll have to see what I can find that's not only gluten free, but also vegetarian, and easy to digest. I'm assuming a salad, but I don't trust restaurant dressings. I'll figure it out.

Anyway, I think that's enough blabbing for today. I'll let you know how I'm doing tomorrow!

Love you for reading! xx

 

Cleanse Day 1: First Impression

Good morning!

This time I may actually mean it. My dog let me sleep until 8:30 which rarely happens, so it was nice to get that extra hour-ish of sleep. I think I may have to go to a pet store and buy her something ;)

Okay let's be honest I would have bought her something regardless. Her breed? Spoiled.

Miss Spoiled is currently curled up next to me on the couch. Yep. What a life. It looks a little something like this. 

Anyway, yesterday was day 1 of the cleanse and I want to give you a little first impression I had of each juice. For reference, I'm doing Good Life Cleanse's Classic Detox Cleanse, and all the nutritional info is provided in the link. You can see which ones I'm having and the presumed order. I'd recommend referring to that so you know what I'm talking about as I go through the juices of the day.

 First thing when I woke up, I drank a tall glass of water. I wasn't feeling hungry (and I never am in the morning), so I instead took Maia out for a walk, which was supposed to be an hour and turned into two. So by the time I got back home it was 11:30. I started with my first juice of the day pretty late, you're supposed to have it within the first hour of waking up. Whoops.

The first juice is "Classic Greens", with apple, cucumber, romaine, celery, lemon, spinach, kale, parsley, and ginger. On first impressions yesterday, I wasn't overly fond of this one. It tastes pretty heavily parsley, which I'm not a huge fan of. But, it wasn't horrible, and I could taste other flavours in it too. Ultimately, it was okay, but not my favourite.

Please note, in between each juice - as instructed - I had a cup of hot water. You can do hot or cold, but because it's winter here in frosty Canada, I chose to boil a kettle and have a mug of that. 

The second juice is "Sweet Life", with pineapple, cucumber, apple, lime, and mint. I quite like this one. At first the mint was quite strong but about halfway through it became refreshing. Plus, I love anything with pineapple, so there's that.

The third is another green juice, called "All U Need", with carrot, celery, spinach, and parsley. This one again is parsley heavy, but it's lighter than the first one and the carrot is heavier. Which I appreciate, it makes the juice a little thicker and sweeter than the first one. If I could, I would swap out the first one and have 2 of these instead.

The next one is called "Master Cleanse" with lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper, and this is the one I was most worried that I wouldn't like. I can't handle spicy things, so this "spicy lemonade" intimidated me. My first sip was, I'll be honest, horrendous. Then I realized I'm supposed to shake it. So I did that. After I shook it up it was tolerable, but I had to dump the last 8th or so of the bottle because all the cayenne fell to the bottom and made it very spicy. Otherwise, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I just can't handle spicy things.

I had been spacing these no further than 2 hours apart, and that seemed to be working well, but after Master Cleanse I had a shower and was getting distracted watching Bones and not keeping track of time. I went about 2.5 hours, and realized suddenly that I was getting really hungry. 

I started my next to last juice of the day - "Roots Remedy", with cucumber, apple, celery, carrots, beet, lemon, ginger, parsley, mint. This one is okay, I don't hate beets, but again the parsley is pretty strong. I think the mint helps mellow it a little so it's not so offensive. It easily quelled my hunger about halfway through. I'm proud that I didn't break before even one day!

The last juice is called "Creamy Cashew", with cashews, vanilla bean, cinnamon, dates, and sea salt. This is the one I was most excited for and it's definitely my favourite. It's like dessert! I did find the vanilla bean to be a little strong, but it was a nice ending to the day and really kept me full overnight. I didn't wake up starving or anything.

So there you have Day 1! I'm pretty happy so far. Tomorrow I'll give more of an overview of how I've been feeling, etc. Have a good day, and thank you for reading, all that do. xx