Introduction

Welcome to my online journal! What I post here is not consistent, and it doesn't fall into any one category. I post about my thoughts, my dreams, lifestyle, and anything else I might feel like posting!

Monday, August 27, 2012

The sun sets in paradise/So Many Questions (5)

If you DON'T like pop music, DO NOT follow this link. I've currently been obsessed with this song - I'm not sure why. It gets stuck in my head.
I also have a new Pomplamoose song to share with you.
Okay, while you unreaders are listening to that, I'm going to go put some laundry in.
Also, my blogger is lagging for some reason...
 
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Oh man, do I love doing chores. I've made a list for myself. Shit just got real.
41. If you were to die today what would you like people to say about you?
First, I doubt if anyone would really miss me, besides maybe my roommate, and it'd make things harder for my coworkers because I'm one of the only people there who's available any day for any shift. But if anyone was to remember me, I'd hope that they'd remember me as a friendly person, not shy or distant (I have much improved through my job). I'd hope that they would say I worked hard and loved my job, that I was valuable in my position, that I was worth keeping around. I'd hope that my friends would remember me as caring and kind, and not as the manic-depressive, pathetic, sad creature that I am. I'd hope that they would be able to see past that. I'd hope I'd be remembered modestly. I certainly don't think anyone would be spray painting my initials around town (years ago three teens took their lives and one, much loved, was painted on every possible surface, I'm not sure why, but they celebrate his birthday every year despite his being gone), but I'd hope to be remembered as a nice person that was generally well-liked...not popular, per se, but liked within my social group.
42. What is your proudest accomplishment?
It depends on what you're talking about. When I was in piano, I was quite proud of usually taking home first place in the February Festival of Performing Arts (in my respective class). Then again, both my brother and sister would do the same, so I don't know if I was truly proud of that, considering it was my good teaching that allowed me to excel. And in fact, I didn't really care for piano anyway. It was an honor, however, to be asked to perform in the honors group at the end of the festival, because they chose one person from each class to perform a piece of their choosing from the festival selection. I think I did that twice. My siblings have done it too. Otherwise, I am proud of finishing high school with relatively good grades; I never feared that I wouldn't graduate, but I wanted to get the best grades I could, and while some areas were lacking, I scored the highest on my English 12 provincial exam of the entire school (for that semester). I was utterly shocked when my beloved English teacher told me - I couldn't believe that I'd ranked so high. I can't remember now if my percentage (in the high nineties, I don't remember the exact number now) was the highest of the school or the highest of the province. I can't remember which the teacher told me. If not the province, definitely the school. I was very happy that day.
43. If you could be anybody, who would you be?
I think about this now and again. I know I'd love to be pretty, skinny, naturally beautiful, naturally liked and attractive. I'd love to be smarter, to be clever, to be classy. I'd love to be someone else. But in the same breath, if I was to be all of those things, I wouldn't be the same, and while I desperately want to better myself, maybe that's all I have to do. Better MYSELF, not change myself entirely. All I'd have to do, really, is lose some weight, learn my body, learn my face, learn how to dress for my shape. It sounds optimistic but the idea of the work involved is daunting. But gradually, I'm getting better, and I know for a fact that a select few people out there believe that I am beautiful, that I am attractive, and don't understand why I don't see it. Perhaps I'm too blocked by my own subconcious. I don't think I'll ever know the real reason why I can't look in the mirror and be satisfied. Some days are better than others, though, and I think I'll continue to get better.
44. What is the most important aspect of your life, and why?
The most important aspect of my life has nothing to do with me. It's another person entirely. I would explain, but I don't feel I need to. She's everything to me, she's my best friend, my sole support system, my only confidence booster. I love her dearly and would be lost without her constance in my life.
45. Where would you travel, if you could go anywhere?
This is kind of cheating, but I'd tour Europe. I want to see all of it, not one specific place. Though there is one spot in Westminster Abbey that I desperately want to visit - William Wordsworth. Though his body is not buried there, there are memorials for so many of my favourite poets in the same area, and I want to see them all.
46. What time period would you like to be born in?
This one's easy. I've always wanted to be part of Queen Elizabeth I's court. She's my idol.
47. What extinct animal would you bring back, if you could?
Tricky! I'm not entirely sure. I'd be more interested in protecting those animals in danger, rather than bringing back one that's already gone. I'd like to save the pandas or the tigers, or elephants. Something that's endangered, something that can be kept safe.
48. What profession would you have chosen, if not your current one?
Easy. I'd be an author. It's my childhood dream (though my first dream was to be a vet, and funny how that worked out!), and I still want to write on the side, but I can't get inspired, and I doubt that I'd ever get published.
49. What book setting would you visit, if you could?
Hobbiton! It sounds so beautiful and the movies made it look exquisate. Other than that, I'd love to go back to the time of Anne Rice's Cry to Heaven, or maybe Philippa Gregory's The Other Boleyn Girl.
50. Given the chance to give your child only one quality as a person, which would you choose? How about if that choice were unavailable, what would be your second and third choices? Why are these so important to you?
Alright, I can feel this one will be a long one, because if you've read this in the past, you'd know that having a child is another dream of mine; to be pregnant, to have the expectation and fear, to have a little me to nurture and soothe to sleep, to have that exhaustion and joy that comes with motherhood. Anyway, if I could give her one quality, it would be honesty. Too many children hide things, lie to their parents, or steal from stores, etc. If my child could be honest, it'd save a lot of struggle, I think, and she'd be a better person. If honesty was not available, I would give her patience, or kindness. Patience is so important when you're growing up - kids all want to be adults and don't realize that what they have right now is so precious. Be patient, you'll get there. Kindness goes without saying - I'd love a child kind enough to help another child, to love her pet unconditionally, to care for her parents, to take care of herself, so she'll be alright on her own. That's all parents really want, isn't it? For their child to be okay when they're gone?
Alright, I think I'm done for now. Time to go back to my chores (yay!).
 
 

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