Health. Is that a word anyone else cringes at? If there was a word that made me feel instantly guilty, that's it.
Living gluten free is not too much of a struggle for me anymore. I'm finding it easier to resist the easy grabs - bagels, take out pizza, soft wheat fast food buns, Timbits, birthday cake. How I miss the easy wheat-eating life. But it's working for me so far, and there's enough substitutions out there these days that I'm able to have the occasional piece of toast or blueberry muffin if I want it.
I don't know what the problem is now, though. Dairy? I wonder if I need to cut out something else that I love just for the sake of my seemingly increasingly sensitive digestive system. Lately I've been very bad and have had Dairy Queen three times in the last week! Talk about the best way to throw off all the hard work you've put into eating healthy. My digestive system hates me, my skin is freaking out, and my hair is falling out.
That's another thing. My hair is actually falling out. I don't know if it's stress, diet, or shampoo. After brushing, or finger combing, I literally will have strands on my hands, brush, falling out. I will feel one brush along my arm while at work - when I wasn't even touching it. I mean really...I haven't changed anything. I always brush it, I've been straightening it almost daily for the last four months (always with heat protectant), and haven't dyed it in longer than that. I try to take good care of it, and this is how it repays me? By fleeing my head? Come on, hair, that's just not going to do.
We recently went down island to visit some great aunts and my great uncle. I think the only purpose for this visit was to make my mom happy - it was kind of a sad, dull, and awkward experience. Spending the day hanging with 90-something relatives is not usually a barrel of laughs, but they are all of varying health, and none of it is great. It was good to see them...I don't often get the chance to go to family functions as they're usually short notice and on days that I work. Anyway. The thing that got me was while my mom proudly exclaimed about my younger siblings' success in post secondary, my sister's promise ring from her boyfriend, and my aunt's farm's exploits to her dying aunts and uncle, she always paused when she came to me, the bisexual, uneducated first born, who has done nothing but work at the same job for four years, and says a variation of the following to each relative: "...and Samantha...has a dog, which she takes to dog shows, and wins ribbons."
I'm glad my biggest claim to fame is the fact that my dog exists.
"Give me a heads up before you tear me down." Sam Tsui "Heads Up"
I dream that I will become something someone can be proud of.
The last conversation I had with my father centered around my dog, my roommate's car, the fact that my little brother is moving away for school, and the plans to move in the next 3-4 years. He described their new home as "downsized", with room for "our children, and their spouses, and their children".
"Dad, you sure seem to have high hopes of procreation in the next couple of years."
"Well, your sister has her promise ring. Didn't you ever think of adoption?"
YOU SAY THIS BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M GAY?!
For the record, I have nothing against lesbian and gay couples. It just killed me that he assumed I would never amount to whatever pedestal he has placed my siblings on and therefore would HAVE to adopt a child in order to have a family. Thanks, Dad.
I think that's all the rambling I have for today. Just back to my old ways and feeling pretty squashed lately.
xx
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