October Was Rough.

October did not treat me as well as I would have liked. 

There were some high points to the month, to be sure, and I'll get to those somewhere within this post as well. There were good memories I am so thankful to have. There were some amazing road trip times with good people and dogs.

But, the power of 3 really evoked its rule in this last month. You know, that saying where bad things happen in 3's? I hope you have a snack, a cup of tea, something because this is going to be a long one. I am not thrilled to be sitting here struggling to write it, but I feel the need to get it out there, so please forgive the lacklustre storytelling and run-on tangents. Without further blah, blah, blah....here we go!

The first week of October brought Canadian Thanksgiving, a three day weekend, and the prospect of being together with part of my family, significant others, and friends. However, the Saturday of said three day weekend, my brother returned home and informed us of his just-then breakup. One less guest at our Thanksgiving table, but for reasons that will remain undisclosed, it was not altogether a bad happening. However, when your mother leaves you a voicemail asking to speak with you and your brother (because we both happened to be home, and my sister was not) after work that evening, your heart instantly sinks and your mind goes right to loss. All I could think was, who has died? Just tell me, get it over with, rip the band aid off. The last time she called me with words akin to these was last year when my uncle - who was almost a second father - suddenly passed away. By the way, it has been almost exactly a year since his passing and it is still one of the more painful losses I have suffered and we have suffered as a family. But back to my original story...my mom sat us down and stated quite simply, "I have decided I want to live on my own." This statement was equally hurtful and confusing. It wasn't "your father and I are separating", or "your father and I have chosen to get a divorce", it was "I have decided". It was a one way choice and she wanted to tell us herself so we didn't hear it elsewhere or make assumptions that something had happened to cause this. My mom simply has decided that after almost 25 years of marriage and what was our entire childhood lives that she no longer wants to be married, I guess. Fine, you have to follow your bliss and find your happiness....my dad is young enough he could still find his partner who wants to share his white picket fence dream and grow old with him. Ugh, I shudder to even think of my parents are separate units, potentially dating other people! But that's beside the point.

So, essentially, for the last month I have been trying to wrap my head around the dividing, calculating, and separating of my parents. It's odd and somewhat unique to what others I know have gone through as children or even teenagers when their parents start the messy process of divorce, in that I am no longer living at home, I don't see my mom or dad every day and this really doesn't change anything. They were planning on selling the house in the spring anyways, and somehow I'm sadder about losing my childhood home where I grew up, and spent every Christmas to memory, wore my fingers away at the piano, played make believe in the backyard, saw my first ghost and learned to ride a bike. I could go on and on - if any of you have ever lived in one home for almost your entire upbringing you understand how I feel. Yes, it is just a building, and my friend who I tell about these things thinks I'm being ridiculous because a building, items, do not hold memory. They are not the memories, they are just where they happened. But to me they are part of it. When I am home I can remember everything...see old books and remember reading them into the night, see old furniture and remember building forts on them, see the backyard and remember somersaulting in the grass in the summer. But, c'est la vie. I spend a lot of time with my mom now. She's teaching me how to drive and we are having some fun going on errands together, and soon road trips and such. I'm pretty excited about that.

So back to Thanksgiving weekend. It ended up being only my mom and brother, one friend and my boyfriend. We skyped my sister so she could be there too, and all helped out cooking. It was surprisingly enough a fairly nice dinner despite the new knowledge we had that this would be the last one in our home. It was also a little upsetting because it was the first one my sister missed by being away - she moved away to Alberta after graduation.

 

After Thanksgiving we started preparing for the Port Alberni dog show - 2 days in the ever-exciting little mining town. It was actually pretty dull - Maia didn't get any points, and it was a rather drab show this year. Last year seemed nicer, somehow. Maia's friend Grady and his parents stayed in the hotel room next to us so we hung out for a bit which was nice. The drive there and back is always pretty, but the weekend was more than a little disappointing so we were more than happy to be home after that. I stayed home on the Monday to do laundry and such and take it as a mental health/vacation day. I had booked it off initially, thinking we would stay the extra night down island but didn't end up happening that way. What happened the rest of that week was prep for the coming weekend and a long series of conversations with my then boyfriend ending in our split up. So enter unfortunate event #2. It wasn't so bad though, guys, really. It was kind of mutual, and we still talk, and are hoping to maintain our friendship. He is a person I want to keep around, and whom I enjoy spending time with - though maybe not any more, as it might be a tad awkward at this stage. I have also had a friend of mine spill what I've told him in confidence to my now ex boyfriend, so I'm not speaking to him at this point either. It kind of sucks - I need all the friends I can get; they are so few and far between as it is anyways.

Not long after the break up, I finished work one evening by spending the last hour in excruciating dental pain in my lower right jaw. I didn't know what spurred it; but it was some of the worst pain I've been in in my adult life due to an illness or injury, and I was scared. I kid you not, guys, I was so scared because I knew, deep down, that it was my late-bloomer wisdom teeth. And that meant surgery. I am petrified of even sitting in the waiting room of doctor's offices, so the thought of having my teeth pulled out of my head, the general anesthesia, the recovery, the drug interactions and pain for recovery really don't appeal to me. After one night of such pain, I called the dentist in the morning and was told to come after work at 6:15. I don't always finish work at 6, so I spent the whole day panicking about going, rushing my close to finish on time and get to the dentist, and in the car on the way I saw I had 3 voicemails from them saying they actually can't see me today so call back tomorrow. The worst part? I missed an awesome pet nutrition seminar I wanted to go to, and all the attendants got a free bag of food to boot! What a bummer. I had to go the next day over my lunch hour. I got x-rays done and an exam, and the dentist told me some of what I already knew and some I didn't. First of all I have several small cavities at the places where my teeth meet - it's been too long since I've had a cleaning because I couldn't afford it until I got benefits through my work, then this happened. So this is my priority right now, and the dentist agrees we need to take care of this part first before the overdue cleaning and inevitable fillings. The x-rays showed that my top left wisdom tooth came in all on its own, no issues. The bottom left was still impacted firmly in my jaw, and not causing a problem. The bottom right, where the pain had flared up, was not coming through as I thought it had. It was what the dentist called a "fibrous structure" that was sitting on top of my wisdom tooth. The tooth itself is still lodged 3 cm deep in my gums, but was definitely moving, and will continue to do so until it eventually erupts, and potentially becomes infected. So it needs to be removed. It is also sitting directly on top of two perpendicular facial nerves which makes the surgery that much more complicated. The top right - the one not causing any pain or any problem - had come in at some point and pushed into my furthest back molar, creating a cavity that had essentially eroded that healthy molar. The good news was that even that eroded tooth, at this point in time, is not infected. None of my wisdom teeth are, which makes things a lot simpler. So now, instead of having four wisdom teeth removed, it's my understanding that I need three wisdom teeth and one regular tooth removed. For this reason, and because of the bottom one sitting on some major nerves (most commonly it is sitting behind or in front of them, and is easy to remove), I need to see a specialist surgeon in Nanaimo. When I heard that, I breathed a sigh of relief that I would have general anesthesia and not be awake for this, but simultaneously felt my stomach hit the floor. A specialist was more expensive, obviously: any specialist is, especially in human medicine, and the lovely receptionist at my dentist's office informed me even though I have dental benefits through work and they covered 80% of what I owed at the dentist today, the specialist will likely require payment up front, then I would be reimbursed by the insurance company, which is what I was afraid of. My sister's surgery at the same place for 5 wisdom teeth removed (she had a floater, which apparently is very common) was a couple thousand dollars. I simply don't have that - my credit card only goes up to $1500 and I don't have that full balance available, and I just don't have a couple grand laying around. Before I see the specialist this coming week I won't have any clue as to the cost anyways. I am hoping my mom will be able to put it on her Visa or something then I can pay her the 20% and pay back the rest when the insurance money comes in. I hate having to do that, but it's either that or let these teeth get infected, impacted, and painful, and painstakingly save up the money? Somehow I don't think my mom will let that happen either. So, knowing surgery is in my future, I have had nothing but nightmares about teeth and surgery since. I have also had to cut my food up very small, take small bites, and chew on one side as the right side is still painful to some extent. It comes and goes. I'm grateful that it's not excruciating; it is not awesome but it's not terrible, because I cannot take any time off work in November. Two of the people I rely on full time for help (we are short staffed) are taking vacation, one after the other, so that makes 3 very short staffed weeks, and if I'm the only receptionist scheduled to work on a given day I NEED to be there. My manager has said "you have to do what you have to do, but if you can, don't book your surgery in those three weeks". So now I am aiming for the first week of December, depending on when the surgeon can get me in. If they can't get me in til the new year, that's fine too, I just want it over and done with, and before it gets any worse.

Wow, what a month so far and we're only half way through! At least that's all the really bad stuff out of the way. Now I get to talk about the concert my friend and I went to see - Florence + The Machine. It was spectacular...I am so glad I went. She is an energetic performer, jumping, running and dancing in the crowd. She also has an incredible voice live - there is nothing worse than going to see an artist you love and they suck live! The whole weekend was a pretty good one - besides the unexpected cost of having to take the car over on the ferry. The overnight parking lot was full! Who knew that could even happen? We sure didn't. So poor thing had to drive in downtown Vancouver - we could not have been more downtown. We spent most of the weekend walking around, exploring, hanging out with the third person in our Three Musketeers friendship whom we don't get to see very often, spent the night with him, then the next night with Florence. It was such a great experience and I'm happy to have those memories; despite everything that October threw at me I have one good weekend out of it. 

Alright, I think that's all I can manage for today. That's probably enough rambling but I'm sure I forgot to add something in somewhere. Sorry about that. I'll talk to you next time...

xx Dreamer