I hate pretty girls

And...pretty much all humans (but pretty girls especially). They want, and they expect, and when they don't recieve, they get mad, and then they get whatever they were after in the first place, but with a lot more work and a lot less money. It baffles me!
But back to my thought about pretty girls. When I see Facebook pictures, model images, or even a particularly beautiful girl in person, I find this jealousy overwhelming me. It's akin to the jealousy when I see someone else's engagement ring, their loving relationship, or young baby. It's that beauty, that promise, that constant affection, and new life, that I crave and know, desperately so, that I can't have. It's an almost painful yearning for a life better than the one I'm currently living. Of course, as any incredibly anxious young person does, I feel that I must live out this part of my life, waiting always for the day when I'll be older, better, and more set. Then again, that is the exact feeling I had when I was going through high school. And now, over a year past my graduation, I've done nothing but work, work, work. Granted, I've been at the same place of work for exactly a year now, and I've been through 3 sections of the building now (boarding for 10 months, grooming for 6 weeks, and I'm in my second week for reception). I find it both surreal, and fitting. I'm hoping that I'm proving myself versatile in the clinic setting.
The job I'm doing now is very stressful. Yes, it's a lot of sitting behind a desk. Yes, I am not physically straining myself over a bathtub working with dogs anymore. It's straining in a mental way. Because almost everything I'm doing right now is brand new, I'm petrified of making a mistake, or saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, or forgeting something. It's difficult to be friendly and cheerful for the clients when inside, I'm screaming fear and angst. Of course, I put on my best face, and I'm sure my coworkers think I'm friendly too. It's just so much to take in, and while I have a notebook filled with things to remember, it's hard to flip through a notebook when helping a client, when they call because they want answers to their questions and expect us to have them. I'm just not...as quick to the draw as the other girls. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself along.
So, the final thing for this entry that I want to touch on is the fact that Boyfriend and I haven't had a cohesive conversation in a few days, and it's largely due to me being more stressed out and confused then ever, and him trying to understand me, and failing. I mean, if I don't even understand me, what makes me think he ever could?
Picture: Cause I'm lazy and this pic made me laugh. So that's all you're getting. :P

Hallowon't

Lyric: "I want to know what it's like on the inside of love." - Not sure. Heard it on HIMYM
Quote: Robin: "Everyone else is acting all stupid and goofy and so in love. And I'm...not. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wired wrong? He was willing to be Hansel for me, and I couldn't even be Gretel! Why couldn't I be Gretel?" Ted: "No, you just haven't found the right Hansel yet. You'll find a guy one day who makes you want to act stupid. You're wired just fine." - HIMYM
Picture:

Happy Halloween, Pheeny-bee :)

It's a wonderful life

I don't really have anything to say!

Lyric: "I wrote this song long before the war, with no idea who it was for, but now it's done, I'm sure there's someone it was meant for." - It's a wonderful life, The Real Tuesday Weld
Quote: Lisa: "ARGH! You just ruined 6 month's work!" Bart: "Aww, I'm really sorry....it wasn't a year!" - The Simpsons
Picture: Pheeny and Nuub enjoying their "cat cottage".

Yay kitties. :)

Don't get strung out

by the way I look, don't judge a book by it's cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day, but by night I'm one hell of a lover."
Yes, I randomly clicked through channels just in time to catch Rocky Horror on my favourite song of the movie, "Sweet Transvestite". Tim Curry never fails to amaze me in this role. It's a good segway from the main movie event of the evening. My roommate and I went to see Paranormal Activity 3, and it actually was more disturbing than the last one. It shook me up more than I thought it would. We clung to each other the whole time! There's something about children being involved in scary movies that just makes it more gut-wrenching.
Anyway, on this lovely Halloween-ish weekend, I'm busy spending my time inside, writing a crappy blog entry while listening to the sound of my keyboard. I would be watching something lighthearted, but my roommate is trying to write something and doesn't want to listen to noise. So reluctantly, I let her have her way, and suffer my mind's twisted delusions of demon/ghosts and their inevitable haunting prescense in my house. Yeah, scary movies do that to me. I don't know if it's paranoia, but when I see something like that it stays in my head until I use something else to get it out. Right now I can't have anything to get it out of my head, so in it stays, and so stays my paranoia.
I was so lonely and bored today that I spent the whole day out running errands with my mom and brother. I know, it was Saturday, and two days to Halloween, and while most teens are either sleeping all day so they can party all night, I was running around downtown getting groceries and cat food. Have I skipped being a stupid teenager altogether? Boyfriend and I are considering getting married in the near future, which is, in my opinion, devastatingly romantic. Sure, getting married at age 20 to someone you've barely met sounds like a stupid idea, and the only reason I'd ever end up doing it is if I happened to get pregnant accidentally. But the thought of it is also so romantic and sensual that I want to have it. I want to have that picture of me in a white dress, I want the ring on my finger, I want the status of being commited. But is it the right thing to do? As I've said in previous entries, I'm "newly" single, and now that Boyfriend has appeared, I don't know what to call myself. I mean, in the event that someone asks me out on a date (which obviously will never happen anyway, at least it hasn't happened yet and I'm already 19), do I say no, "I have a boyfriend" or "Sure, I'm not seeing anyone"? I honestly don't know, in this situation. And the idea of having a fiancee that doesn't live in the country isn't exactly appealing, either. I wish we were able to do this...simply. Boyfriend has offered to move here permanently in the next couple years. But do I want to be stuck in a relationship that is strictly online, besides a couple of expensive visits every 6 months or so for the personal stuff (getting engaged, getting married, then moving), for a couple years? I've had someone in the past tell me that they promised never to leave me, to come out to live with me, and he lived a lot closer to me than Boyfriend does. I even have our status on Facebook, which I was strongly against, because we -aren't- able to be together. It's hard to call Boyfriend my boyfriend, even though that's his blog name now, since he's just not here. It's hard to have a boyfriend who chats with you on msn/yahoo/Facebook, and keeps in touch via heartfelt wall posts, offline messages, and youtube videos of love songs in which I am frequently "tagged". Is that any way to have a relationship, to continue any kind of romantic involvement? I mean, we've never actually met. I know the feelings are real, but how can I say I'm in love with someone I only know over text and the occaisional video chat?
Anyway, with all these questions, it'd be easy to see how I'm quite confused. I'll go on about my day instead. That's about enough of all that whining.
I bought some groceries (under budget, yay), and my mom had to go drop off some frozen salmon at the cannery we have in town. The woman behind the counter offered us a sample of the candied salmon which my mom was unsure of getting, and it was fabulous! Such an incredibly flavourful bite. Needless to say, my mom has now ordered 10 lbs of the fresh salmon be candied (which of course, after the dehydration and candy process, will leave us with about 4 rich lbs)! I'm delighted, and even more so at the offer of a pound of it for our freezer where I live now. Yay!
Then of course, I bought cat food, which was about half the cost of my groceries, since I won't feed them anything less than premium wet/dry food. The man at the pet store I prefer knows me now, and always remarks my kitties are lucky that I buy them the best of the best (the best that they enjoy, anyway). I'm quite proud of the diet I have them on, though for a while the kibble was grainfree and caused them to be constantly looking for food. So they're now on a different kibble, and I hope it'll do well for them.
After that came PA3, which I already discussed.
Lyric: .... look above. I don't want to do another one.
Quote: "Any of you like to Madison?" - Brad, RHPS
Picture: An edited (poor quality, as it was taken on my phone) pic of myself and my kitty cat, Pheeny.

that's my rant for tonight. Talk to you tomorrow, un-readers.

I thought you were the smart one

Mmm, Booster Juice. I didn't realize soy milk, vanilla frozen yogurt, blueberries and a couple of "boosters" (soy protein, and a herbal mix like wheatgrass and echinacea) could taste so good blended together. What a perfect end to a horrid morning and off day. It was my first full day in reception (8 hours) and I was to start at 7:30. I've been so exhausted lately I toddled off to bed at 9 pm, and still managed to sleep through my alarm. I woke up at 7:10, and had to hit the ground running. Yeesh. After a full day, I got to go to the bank and therefore ran by Booster Juice to get myself a little treat. At least it's a 6 dollar fruit smoothie rather than a 6 dollar coffee filled with milk, cream, whipped topping, sugar...what have you. Though I do enjoy my expensive, delicious, and overly sweetened Starbucks Cinnamon Dulce Lattes....
I can't think of anything else, so I'll just write my lyric and quote...
Lyric: "You know those days when you just want to choose to not get out of bed, you're lost in your head again." - Helena Beat, Foster The People
Quote: "Look who I'm asking. I thought you were the smart one!" - Two and a Half Men
Picture: Something my coworker (one of the groomers) shared on Facebook. "Groomer's worst nightmare".

Enjoy this "forever shih tzu"! Talk to you tomorrow, un-readers.