I was born this way

The mood struck me to watch Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" music video again and once again, I am in awe. Gaga's rare audacity is so...disturbing...and yet, brilliant. Whoever writes for her videos/directs the artistry in them is nothing short of a creative master. Yeah, I know, she's a popular pop artist, but I can't help but love her. She employs such great messages in her pieces as well. Such. Much. Genius.
Jacksfilms on youtube makes a "Your Grammar Sucks" series that I watch and rewatch...they're hilarious. It's all comments that viewers screencap and send to Jack...so...the world is sadly...unable to comment with discernible grammar. Anyway, one of the comments is "such. much. genius". That's where I got that from. ^^;
I've been going on a posting spree of some new pictures of the boys lately...too bad Facebook is going so slow that I've only managed to post...20 some odd pictures in the past hour or so. Ah well. Lazy Saturdays and menstrual cramps will allow me to spend the time required. So I'm just sitting on the couch, snuggled under a blanket, enjoying the slow process of uploading kitty/forest/me pictures, and watching Two and a Half Men. Of course due to this lovely almost-monthly feminine issue (I say almost monthy because it seems like it's never regular and is usually a longer period in between periods than average), everything that could at one point have been seen as attractive on my body is now bigger, blotchier, and more unattractive than ever. Lol...I guess this one week is an excuse for women to feel crappy and eat chocolate and ignore the male gender altogether. I'm glad I have the opportunity to remain cozy underneath a blanket on the couch.
Anyway, in other news, Boyfriend bought me an engagement ring recently. I don't know what to think, I really don't. I'm excited, and scared, and still shocked. I'm in disbelief that someone who doesn't even know me in real life would spend money on a promise. It still blows my mind. And now he's thinking about the perfect way to do it, and the perfect place. It'll be interesting, since he's proposing in my native Campbell River, where I know all the picturesque vistas and beautiful places, and he wants to choose the perfect spot. I can't wait. I'm so excited, but I'm terrified. Especially because of our unique situation...immediately after proposing, he will be returning to America to finalize some things...and I'll be flying there a few months after our engagement, hopefully to get married. Again, SCARY. I'm really, really scared. The idea of having a ring on my finger is beautiful, but the idea of having a fiancee who doesn't even live in the same country is both sickening and saddening. Considering his promiscuity as well, it wouldn't be hard for him to pretend he's not engaged. However, if I was going to get a date, he'll see the ring, and of course won't bother (as if I would get asked out anyway...I never have been). My point is, he'll get action on a regular basis, and I'll be anxiously waiting for the day we can be together (nevermind my snuggly little muffin who I happen to live with, our relationship is over, we're just stuck to each other). I don't want to be left hanging, if that's possible. I know he wants to propose. I want to say yes...but at the same time, I feel we should spend more time together than a week before getting engaged. He's already purchased the ring...and I feel if I say no, it'll be a waste of a trip and a waste of time...therefore, it's going to guilt me into accepting when I don't know when we'll be able to be together properly. Nevermind explaining my situation to everyone who will ask. The title of "engaged" has a certain expectancy to it. It'd either warrant meeting said fiancee, or explaining that I got pregnant and wanted to be married before the baby arrived. Which is not possible, and not true. So I really don't understand how it's going to work.
Okay. There's my rant about life for today. Picture roll time.
Phoenix snoozing always makes for a cute photo. Took this not too long ago. He was sleeping next to my leg on our delightful red couch.

Little Phoenix likes to sleep in his crinkle tunnel. <3

The three kitties of the house. Pom (the ragdoll looking kitty) hopped up on the windowsill on the outside, and the boys immediately jumped up to check it out!

Phoenix and Pom didn't make very good friends; instead they acted indifferent to each other.

And Anubis was nervous of the big fluffy guy outside...and confused that while glass seperated them, they could clearly see each other.

Phoenix looks on eagerly while his brother and "new friend" meet cautiously.

There's my kitty photo spree for the day! I'll do a lyric as well..

"I'm beautiful in my way, cause god makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way."

Even though I'm an atheist this song still gets in my head and won't let go!

Til' tomorrow, un-readers.

Almost Alice

Yeah. I love Alice in Wonderland. It was the only movie I watched repeatedly growing up that both thrilled, enticed, and terrified me. When the new, Hollywood version of the "almost sequel" came out, I was so excited to see it. Saw it twice in theatres, rented in a couple times, and then finally bought the 3 disc special edition of it so now I can watch it whenever I want. So last year when I was offered a chance to -be- Alice in my (then) friend's photoshoot, I couldn't believe it! Course, she made all the costumes, and did the make up and pictures, so she deserves more credit than I do, but it was still fun :)
This first picture is kind of whimsical one...I use it as my profile picture on this site. I think it's cute.

Alice loves you :)

Is there a rabbit hole down here somewhere? I'm sure I saw it...

Hmm, would anyone care for a cup of tea?

Yeah, so I only posted pictures that were just me, so as not to step on anyone's toes by posting pics of them without their permission. But I do quite enjoy these pictures here, so why not make my oddly timed vanity public? Also...I don't know what it is, but I've dreamed since I was a girl that I could be a model in pretty pictures, and this one afternoon with my friends all dressed up, taking pictures, striking poses, running around through a forest trying to get the right feeling to a photo..kind of made me feel..like I could maybe..be a model? In something small like this?

Now, I'm not so sure. But I'm trying to work at it...chisel away at the fat that I've managed to accumulate...and become a better shape, a prettier shape, and a less embarrassing shopping-for-clothes experience. So yeah. That's my spiel about that stuff.

Lyric: "It's so easy when you know what you're doing." - Song in my head..

Quote: "I'm a kitten-monger!" - Me...with two purring kittens sleeping on my lap.

Picture: Yep, besides the pumpkin spice timbit at Timmy's, the pumpkin flavoured stuff is way out of control this year! Even though I love Starbucks, I've never had a "pumpkin latte", and I don't intend to try it! However, I will wait for the peppermint mocha and the brulee latte. :)

Goodnight.

I hate pretty girls

And...pretty much all humans (but pretty girls especially). They want, and they expect, and when they don't recieve, they get mad, and then they get whatever they were after in the first place, but with a lot more work and a lot less money. It baffles me!
But back to my thought about pretty girls. When I see Facebook pictures, model images, or even a particularly beautiful girl in person, I find this jealousy overwhelming me. It's akin to the jealousy when I see someone else's engagement ring, their loving relationship, or young baby. It's that beauty, that promise, that constant affection, and new life, that I crave and know, desperately so, that I can't have. It's an almost painful yearning for a life better than the one I'm currently living. Of course, as any incredibly anxious young person does, I feel that I must live out this part of my life, waiting always for the day when I'll be older, better, and more set. Then again, that is the exact feeling I had when I was going through high school. And now, over a year past my graduation, I've done nothing but work, work, work. Granted, I've been at the same place of work for exactly a year now, and I've been through 3 sections of the building now (boarding for 10 months, grooming for 6 weeks, and I'm in my second week for reception). I find it both surreal, and fitting. I'm hoping that I'm proving myself versatile in the clinic setting.
The job I'm doing now is very stressful. Yes, it's a lot of sitting behind a desk. Yes, I am not physically straining myself over a bathtub working with dogs anymore. It's straining in a mental way. Because almost everything I'm doing right now is brand new, I'm petrified of making a mistake, or saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, or forgeting something. It's difficult to be friendly and cheerful for the clients when inside, I'm screaming fear and angst. Of course, I put on my best face, and I'm sure my coworkers think I'm friendly too. It's just so much to take in, and while I have a notebook filled with things to remember, it's hard to flip through a notebook when helping a client, when they call because they want answers to their questions and expect us to have them. I'm just not...as quick to the draw as the other girls. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself along.
So, the final thing for this entry that I want to touch on is the fact that Boyfriend and I haven't had a cohesive conversation in a few days, and it's largely due to me being more stressed out and confused then ever, and him trying to understand me, and failing. I mean, if I don't even understand me, what makes me think he ever could?
Picture: Cause I'm lazy and this pic made me laugh. So that's all you're getting. :P

Hallowon't

Lyric: "I want to know what it's like on the inside of love." - Not sure. Heard it on HIMYM
Quote: Robin: "Everyone else is acting all stupid and goofy and so in love. And I'm...not. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wired wrong? He was willing to be Hansel for me, and I couldn't even be Gretel! Why couldn't I be Gretel?" Ted: "No, you just haven't found the right Hansel yet. You'll find a guy one day who makes you want to act stupid. You're wired just fine." - HIMYM
Picture:

Happy Halloween, Pheeny-bee :)

It's a wonderful life

I don't really have anything to say!

Lyric: "I wrote this song long before the war, with no idea who it was for, but now it's done, I'm sure there's someone it was meant for." - It's a wonderful life, The Real Tuesday Weld
Quote: Lisa: "ARGH! You just ruined 6 month's work!" Bart: "Aww, I'm really sorry....it wasn't a year!" - The Simpsons
Picture: Pheeny and Nuub enjoying their "cat cottage".

Yay kitties. :)