Premonition

Yeah, there's no way I could actually have a good, relaxingly slow day at work. 

Boyfriend came back from his trip and now I have to deal with our "long talk" this evening. Ugh..

Wish me luck that it goes well, will ya?

Lyric: "Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling!" - Don't stop Believing, Journey

Quote: "I bleed for a week and don't die. What's your superpower?" - I don't remember where it came from, but come on. LOL

Picture: ...another lol :D

Hehe. Goodnight...tomorrow will probably be a long one.

Can I fix it?

Crazy day at work.

First order of business - I have good news and I have bad news.

The bad news is...a small kitten (about three months old) came in on an emergency due to being attacked in the night by some unknown creature...probably another cat, or even a raccoon. She was in pretty bad shape...lots of blood and mrs crying. It was not nice. Our lady dr did her best, and by lunch hour she was starting to turn around. She mewed and shifted, and even opened her eyes a little bit. We were all overjoyed! We managed to save a little baby cat's life. It was delightful...until later that afternoon, when my colleague mentioned to me that the mrs' daughter and son would be coming by later to pick up the remains. I gasped. Audibly, so it's a good thing no one was in the foyer waiting. Apparently, it just so happened that while being outside all night, kitten got a bad case of pneumonia or something like that, and being gradually warmed up raised her body temperature enough for her sickness to really take hold and kick her to the curb. So, we didn't really save a kitty. It really isn't fair.

More bad news. I booked a euthanasia appointment for a dog I know (not personally, but as far as the clinic's concerned, I know of this dog). It was kind of sad...since the dog's 16 and he isn't doing so well anyway, but since everyone thought he'd be the "old man" who stuck it out. He gave it his all, he really did. So that's happening tomorrow. It'll be hard...since it's the first euth I'll have done start to finish.

BUT...

Now for the good news!

As of today, my semi-temporary 6 month only job became permanent! I was so happy. We're still not sure if the original girl that I'm replacing is coming back, but regardless, I have a permanent job now! Another of my colleagues is moving away next June with her husband, so I get to stick around! It's awesome.

More good news...I met a little puppy who was just so sweet and wiggly and cute, and loves to snuggle! I helped trim her nails (okay, I held her, but it was still awesome). And I met a little kitten who was thought to be a girl, but really turned out to be a boy. So that was kind of a serendipity jolt to the afternoon.

And then, after all that, the phone kept ringing off the hook, and driving everyone crazy! It just wouldn't stop! And I sold so much Advantage today I now know where in the clinic it resides and how to "fill" the order myself...the Techs pretty much said (while dealing with the emergency) "it's over there on that shelf, grab what you need." So now I can do it on my own!

Anyway, time for today's lyric, quote, and picture. Despite the rather depressing end to the day, I'm still in a chipper mood and will probably sleep well tonight.

Lyric: "Look at us, baby, look at us now." - Look at us, Sarina Paris

Okay. No quote, since I can't think of one.

Picture: Yep. That's about it.

Goodnight

A 2 post day

Looks like it, anyway. I have updates for this morning, and then I'll probably post tonight about the rest of my day and my decision, if possible.
So last night I spent about an hour off an on crying, snuggled up in a blanket on the couch. I didn't really understand why. It's a bit pathetic, but I felt the need to go on about it like I go on about everything else in my sad little life. Anyway, I was just so sad, and I didn't know why, but I couldn't stop it. Maybe it's the fact that Boyfriend wants me to get married to him based off a week of dizzy sex and dream making. Maybe it's the fact that he bought me an engagement ring I told him not to buy...maybe it's all going so fast, maybe it's just too scary. Maybe I'm a coward who never does anything with herself. I mean..what have I really done? I have a fantastic job on a fluke. It was a job I started at a year ago, on the suggestion from my (at the time) girlfriend, that I didn't even want to apply to. It's a little weird that way. Anyway...my point is, I got into something amazing without wanting to get into it, so maybe this engagement will be okay. But I find myself worrying that because he's already bought the ring, I HAVE to accept just because he's already got it, and spent all the money and time to come and see me for a week or so. I just...feel an engagement shouldn't be based on an online "relationship" and then a week of being together, and then a proposal. It's just scary.
Ex thinks I need someone who will be loyal to me, only me, and not go off on a five-day fuck spree. Yeah. I said that.
I doubt if he'll actually read this, since he's obviously...otherwise engaged (what a delightful pun), but I'm saying it anyway. And I LOVE my life here. I love my job, my beautiful kittens Phoenix and Anubis (who woke me up this morning by snuggling on either side of me), my living situation isn't perfect but I'm dealing, and the city, while generally unloved by the public, is magnificently beautiful, green, and fresh-smelling. Besides, Boyfriend doesn't even like the ocean, which is something I've lived beside all my life. I mean...he's so sweet and caring, and I really care about him a lot, but I can't seem to explain myself in a way that won't hurt him. I can see myself with him. I just can't see myself with a fiancee who isn't in the town, much less the country! I'm just...terrified, and my roommate thinks it's a very bad idea, since Boyfriend doesn't seem to really listen to my opinion on things (I didn't want to go long distance, he kept pushing until I gave in; I didn't like the sound of the ring he chose and told him not to buy it, he bought it anyway; I mentioned I was -thinking- about saving up for a visit in May, he considers it our -wedding-). It sounds terrifying, and probably very dangerous, since we're both pretty damaged.
Yes, he's the sweetest man I've ever known. He'd be willing to do anything for me, and I'm tossing it out the door because I'm scared of getting marred at 20 based on a couple of weeks of getting to know each other in real life. I want true romance, and he's so willing to give me that, but it's difficult when he has no idea what I'm like in person. I have never had a boy interested in me, in real life. I have to imagine, based on evidence, that the only men who will ever be interested in me don't truly know me. It's an upsetting notion.
I'll post again later...I have to try and cheer myself up.

I was born this way

The mood struck me to watch Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" music video again and once again, I am in awe. Gaga's rare audacity is so...disturbing...and yet, brilliant. Whoever writes for her videos/directs the artistry in them is nothing short of a creative master. Yeah, I know, she's a popular pop artist, but I can't help but love her. She employs such great messages in her pieces as well. Such. Much. Genius.
Jacksfilms on youtube makes a "Your Grammar Sucks" series that I watch and rewatch...they're hilarious. It's all comments that viewers screencap and send to Jack...so...the world is sadly...unable to comment with discernible grammar. Anyway, one of the comments is "such. much. genius". That's where I got that from. ^^;
I've been going on a posting spree of some new pictures of the boys lately...too bad Facebook is going so slow that I've only managed to post...20 some odd pictures in the past hour or so. Ah well. Lazy Saturdays and menstrual cramps will allow me to spend the time required. So I'm just sitting on the couch, snuggled under a blanket, enjoying the slow process of uploading kitty/forest/me pictures, and watching Two and a Half Men. Of course due to this lovely almost-monthly feminine issue (I say almost monthy because it seems like it's never regular and is usually a longer period in between periods than average), everything that could at one point have been seen as attractive on my body is now bigger, blotchier, and more unattractive than ever. Lol...I guess this one week is an excuse for women to feel crappy and eat chocolate and ignore the male gender altogether. I'm glad I have the opportunity to remain cozy underneath a blanket on the couch.
Anyway, in other news, Boyfriend bought me an engagement ring recently. I don't know what to think, I really don't. I'm excited, and scared, and still shocked. I'm in disbelief that someone who doesn't even know me in real life would spend money on a promise. It still blows my mind. And now he's thinking about the perfect way to do it, and the perfect place. It'll be interesting, since he's proposing in my native Campbell River, where I know all the picturesque vistas and beautiful places, and he wants to choose the perfect spot. I can't wait. I'm so excited, but I'm terrified. Especially because of our unique situation...immediately after proposing, he will be returning to America to finalize some things...and I'll be flying there a few months after our engagement, hopefully to get married. Again, SCARY. I'm really, really scared. The idea of having a ring on my finger is beautiful, but the idea of having a fiancee who doesn't even live in the same country is both sickening and saddening. Considering his promiscuity as well, it wouldn't be hard for him to pretend he's not engaged. However, if I was going to get a date, he'll see the ring, and of course won't bother (as if I would get asked out anyway...I never have been). My point is, he'll get action on a regular basis, and I'll be anxiously waiting for the day we can be together (nevermind my snuggly little muffin who I happen to live with, our relationship is over, we're just stuck to each other). I don't want to be left hanging, if that's possible. I know he wants to propose. I want to say yes...but at the same time, I feel we should spend more time together than a week before getting engaged. He's already purchased the ring...and I feel if I say no, it'll be a waste of a trip and a waste of time...therefore, it's going to guilt me into accepting when I don't know when we'll be able to be together properly. Nevermind explaining my situation to everyone who will ask. The title of "engaged" has a certain expectancy to it. It'd either warrant meeting said fiancee, or explaining that I got pregnant and wanted to be married before the baby arrived. Which is not possible, and not true. So I really don't understand how it's going to work.
Okay. There's my rant about life for today. Picture roll time.
Phoenix snoozing always makes for a cute photo. Took this not too long ago. He was sleeping next to my leg on our delightful red couch.

Little Phoenix likes to sleep in his crinkle tunnel. <3

The three kitties of the house. Pom (the ragdoll looking kitty) hopped up on the windowsill on the outside, and the boys immediately jumped up to check it out!

Phoenix and Pom didn't make very good friends; instead they acted indifferent to each other.

And Anubis was nervous of the big fluffy guy outside...and confused that while glass seperated them, they could clearly see each other.

Phoenix looks on eagerly while his brother and "new friend" meet cautiously.

There's my kitty photo spree for the day! I'll do a lyric as well..

"I'm beautiful in my way, cause god makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way."

Even though I'm an atheist this song still gets in my head and won't let go!

Til' tomorrow, un-readers.

Almost Alice

Yeah. I love Alice in Wonderland. It was the only movie I watched repeatedly growing up that both thrilled, enticed, and terrified me. When the new, Hollywood version of the "almost sequel" came out, I was so excited to see it. Saw it twice in theatres, rented in a couple times, and then finally bought the 3 disc special edition of it so now I can watch it whenever I want. So last year when I was offered a chance to -be- Alice in my (then) friend's photoshoot, I couldn't believe it! Course, she made all the costumes, and did the make up and pictures, so she deserves more credit than I do, but it was still fun :)
This first picture is kind of whimsical one...I use it as my profile picture on this site. I think it's cute.

Alice loves you :)

Is there a rabbit hole down here somewhere? I'm sure I saw it...

Hmm, would anyone care for a cup of tea?

Yeah, so I only posted pictures that were just me, so as not to step on anyone's toes by posting pics of them without their permission. But I do quite enjoy these pictures here, so why not make my oddly timed vanity public? Also...I don't know what it is, but I've dreamed since I was a girl that I could be a model in pretty pictures, and this one afternoon with my friends all dressed up, taking pictures, striking poses, running around through a forest trying to get the right feeling to a photo..kind of made me feel..like I could maybe..be a model? In something small like this?

Now, I'm not so sure. But I'm trying to work at it...chisel away at the fat that I've managed to accumulate...and become a better shape, a prettier shape, and a less embarrassing shopping-for-clothes experience. So yeah. That's my spiel about that stuff.

Lyric: "It's so easy when you know what you're doing." - Song in my head..

Quote: "I'm a kitten-monger!" - Me...with two purring kittens sleeping on my lap.

Picture: Yep, besides the pumpkin spice timbit at Timmy's, the pumpkin flavoured stuff is way out of control this year! Even though I love Starbucks, I've never had a "pumpkin latte", and I don't intend to try it! However, I will wait for the peppermint mocha and the brulee latte. :)

Goodnight.