A Compilation of Many Days

*Tuesday*

Today I opened the clinic (and will do so for the rest of the week as well). It's 8:00 and I'm still trying to wake up. There are a few bonuses to the early shift - the clinic is quiet, I go home at 4:30, and no one in my house is awake when I go upstairs to make my tea. There's nothing more awkward than being in the kitchen with my roommate's dad when we both require one specific corner of it. Okay, I'm exaggerating. My point is, it's easier when I am up there either too early for anyone else to be up, or too late so no one else needs the kitchen. Maybe this chronic shyness should be classified as a medical condition. Sigh. Anyway, a couple items of big news.

First - after two months of unemployment, my roommate now has a full time, well paying job at her dad's work cleaning boats. She'll actually be getting more hours than me, and will start at $12/hour, so she'll be making more money than me. Again. Luckily, since I bought groceries almost exclusively for the past two months, she will be buying groceries almost exclusively for the next two months. So on the next 3 to 4 paychecks, I don't have to budget for groceries! I'm pretty excited to have some disposable income. Maybe I'll save it all for an iphone...or a trip. Or I'll spend it on some pretty clothes, nice jeans, a new jacket. I've fallen back in love with clothes.

Second, I'm 20 (I know I already did a birthday post, but I have to do more recap. I just have to). Yup, my birthday came and went in a flurry of cake, food, presents and drunken movie-watching. The best things included a framed picture of Phoenix, a tiger-print fuzzy blanket, Tangled, and a menagerie or rainbow things. It was a pretty fun birthday. I had dinner, cake and presents with my family on Friday, as well as cake at work. Saturday we cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, bought alcohol, and friends came over. It was a great night filled with over-eating, drinking, movie-watching, talking, and Twister. Pretty great weekend. Of course due to not sleeping enough, I felt like shit on Sunday and Monday, and still not too great today. I don't do walking up early very well.

Alright! Third order of business. I have a crush. Yeah, I know my previous relationship ended in August, so it's only been like, five months or so. But for some reason I've been pulled blindly towards him. My roommate and antoher one of my best friends know. My friend told me that he likes someone "in the group". I don't dare entertain the thought that it might be me, regardless of the fact that I snuggle the blanket he gave me every night. I am so blocked by my fear of rejection that I would rather let myself believe it was not me than risk getting hurt. I mean come on, it's a crush, right? It'll go away, right? I'm not the type of person to really act on feelings anyway. My roommate thinks it'll be good for me to spend time with someone else. But I'm not so sure. I mean, I love her. I'm not in love with her, but I still need her in every aspect of my life. Yup, I'm a clingy sap. But I can't help it. My wall is up pretty high. If he really does like me, he's going to have a hard time breaking it down. I haven't had a crush in almost four years. It's insane to feel these almost juvenile butterflies in my stomach whenever he's around. God, I'm such a lame romantic.

I'm so freaking tired. I wish I could sleep in every morning like my roommate.

Payday next week is going to be a bit bigger check. Yay for more money.

I can't seem to keep a cohesive thought in my head.

*Wednesday*

Today I was more awake for work but only had 20 minutes to get ready and didn't have a tea. As a result, I'm hitting a downhill slope now. I have mango juice and the sugar in that is helping. Three euths today - lots of tears.

*Thursday*

I am so tired today I feel sick. My key didn't work in the staff door and I had to go in the grooming door, which set off the alarm.

*Friday*

I have had headache since yesterday afternoon that has yet to disappear. The SPCA kitten is lonely and it won't stop meowing. He scratched me yesterday in his hysteria. I want to bring him behind the desk with me but I don't want to get in trouble for it. What an odd set of days. I am so excited for today to turn into tonight so I can go home and relax for a bit. Complain, complain, complain.

***

Okay, so that's my week, as written in carefully hidden notes in my notebook behind the desk. Right now I'm actually technically into Saturday (as it's 12:16), and so much has happened. I spent the past 6 hours, more or less, texting my crush. Near the end of Friday night (more like, an hour ago) things actually started getting into the romantic side. He'd already confessed that he finds me attractive (which blew my MIND), and said he wanted to ask me something. I said sure. He said he'd confessed that he found me attractive and liked me and wanted to know what I thought of him. Being extra much brave, I told him I'd had a crush on him for some time. His reply was "wow, you sure hide it well". I confessed that I hide many feelings because I was afraid that he'd find it weird that as friends, I liked him. Apparently, he was scared of the same thing. He ended with the statement that he'll come over tomorrow and we can talk, and also that I made his night. I replied that he'd made my night too. I spent the next hour or so in a complete butterfly state of happiness and unexpected joy. What an amazing thing.

Now, however, I'm going to try to calm myself and sleep a lot. Then prepare for tomorrow. Gosh, I never want to forget how this feels.

Oh snap, I'm 20

Yup. I am no longer a teenager. Oh yes. Welcome, adulthood.

I spent the day stressing out at work trying to fit everything in, and taking care of an emergency which shit blood all over the floor just after I'd finished mopping. So I cleaned it up and mopped again. SIGH. I hate it when dogs are sick, especially when it makes a mess. That sounds terrible. But you know what I mean.

After work, I went to the bank, took out my money for rent and gas for my roommate's car, and then went out to dinner with my family. It was pretty nice, but since it's Friday night it was really busy. I had a rather delicious prawn/shrimp/scallop dish with fettucinne and white wine sauce, followed by cake at my mom's house and a light gathering of presents. The top ones were a beautiful framed picture of my kitty cat from my roommate (which was so lovely after a stressful day it almost moved me to tears I was so happy), Tangled on blu-ray and DVD (which I have been lusting after since the movie came out, but could never justify spending the $30 they're STILL asking for it) a group of rainbow-themed things from my sister (which are adorable and prideful), and three yellow sweet-smelling roses. I am currently sipping vodka and coca cola out of a black cup that has the rainbow emblazoned message, "I'm so gay I can't even think straight". It's hilarious. Anyway, it's my birthday, and I think I'm gonna keep drinking. Why not?

Experience and Resolutions

Since it's just a few days until New Year's, I decided I'd start with my very complicated and personal blog entry about my obvious faults and how I intend to fix them. Of course, I doubt if I'll follow through, but I'll get to that part later in the post.

I'll be honest, the year kind of crept up on me. I look back on these months and wonder where the time all went. Well, I'll tell you where it went. It went to stress, procrastination, walking dogs, biting my tongue, and shifting most of my prespectives. Anyway, now to the nitty gritty stuff. Where to start.

Addresses: This year my address of residence changed three times. From my parent's house, to an apartment (which in hindsight was good experience-wise, but was not the best idea in the world), then to my roommate's parent's house. I wish I could afford to live in an apartment with just me, but at the same time I learned recently that being alone is destructive for me.

Jobs: My jobs shifted between three areas of the same building this year. In August it was announced that we would be closing the boarding area where I'd worked for almost a year. We spent a lot of time cancelling reservations and sending out newsletters to our loyal clients. It was very depressing. So for the month of September, I started packing for our second move that year, while simultaneously saying goodbye to the job I'd coveted for a better part of a year. It was a very painful and stressful part of my life.
***
Okay, hello 2012. I managed to neglect posting this for many days and now I'm finally finishing it. Where was I?
I've covered jobs, and my experience moving from place to place.
Relationships: I experienced the biggest change of my life this summer, near the end of August. My long-standing relationship came to a confused and bitter end after over three years of happy dating. Well, it's not exactly your conventional breakup. We're each other's best friends, and we still live together, so it's not the easiest thing in the world to know you aren't "together" anymore, but you have to see each other every day. I was then swept up into an online excursion with someone I've known for a while, but have never met in person. I've covered a lot of that in earlier blog posts, so I'm not going to gab on about it more here. Now, coming to the end of the year, I have a mad crush on one of my friends (that my roommate has already expressed interest in, so I'm keeping quiet), and have had a texting conversation with a boy that lives on my sister's dorm floor at school who seems interested in me (though he hasn't said anything since last night, which technically was this morning, as it was after midnight). I really don't know where that's going. But I, as usual, have no inspiration at all to persue anything. And little to no self esteem to boot.
Overall Mental and Physical Health: Okay, I managed to gain weight this year. Between the stress of moving and over-indulgence with the holidays and living with two 21 year old guys, I put on more than I expected. This is yet another reason why I've been stressed and depressed this year. I've been very up and down with depression as well. Sometimes the bouts become so dreadful that I find I am sore all over and do not wish to move for anything. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I ended the year overweight and on and off depressed.
Friendships/Social Interaction: Through my fabulous job, I've made some new friends and found that I work best with cheerful people. I love having conversations with my coworkers in the quiet moments, and whenever I need help there's always someone I can ask. On the other hand, I rarely see my actual friends. When we were living in the apartment it was easier to meet up since my work schedule was a bit different - I often didn't start work till noon so people could come over any night and stay if they wanted. Now I start, on average, at 9 am. On Mondays I start at 8, and alternate early/late weeks with my coworker. One week, one of us is 9-5:30 Tuesday-Friday and the other is 11-5:30 Tuesday-Friday. The next week we switch. So now it's harder for me to just say "hey, come on over, any day is fine." I don't sleep very well, so I try to get to bed at a reasonable hour, and if people come over I'll never sleep.
OKAY. Now that I've covered that stuff, I'm going to cover resolutions. Hold on to your hats, people.
Addresses: This year, I'm staying put until I'm settled perfectly. That's the plan.
Jobs: There really isn't anything I can say here. It wasn't my fault that my first job fell through, and I got incredibly lucky that everything lined up so perfectly, allowing me to fall into the job I have now. I guess all I can say is I'm going to be the best employee I can be. :)
Relationships: I'm going to let what will be, be. Who knows what could happen when you let it.
Mental Health: If this depression persists, I resolve to see a doctor within the year. Anti-depressants scare me, but I think if it'll help me feel better and enjoy the life I've crafted for myself, I'll be willing to give myself a shot.
Physical Health: I have resolved to lose weight this year. I don't know how yet. I think I'll have to try a couple different tactics. Right now I'm working slowly on a Just Dance and walking routine (I usually walk to and from work). I'm also trying to buy groceries that are relatively healthy, while still giving myself easy meal options. Considering I'm super lazy, and I never cook since the kitchen is upstairs, I need things that don't require a lot of preperation. Right now I'm having soup with melba toast, or crackers and laughing cow cheese for my lunches on a daily basis at work. Of course I also bring a tea each morning in my mug, and usually a can of juice and a granola bar. The dinners change, sometimes I actually have something structured like cheese tortellinni with tomato cream sauce (rose), and sometimes it's just snacking like tortilla chips and hummus. I'm also working on a partially vegetarian diet, with the exception of chicken, turkey and fish.
Friends: I hope I'll be able to spend more time with my group in this coming year. Some people go to school, some live a little ways out of my town, but I hope we'll be able to get together more than a handful of times per year.
Okay, there we go! That's all my "experiences and resolutions" for this coming year. I would add more about the goings-on of this weekend, but I'm bored of writing this now, and I need something to say tomorrow.

Christmas Past

There goes another year. Yesterday was pretty good, I won't lie. It was nice to get up on my own (though the cats wanted food as early as 8 am so I didn't really sleep in) and make a tea. The family I'm living with right now bought me a gift of pjs with an adorable print of owls on them. They're so cute. :3

And I also got some chocolate. What's Christmas without chocolate? After tea and presents, my sister picked me up and we went to my mom's house for more presents and Christmas dinner. Which, in my family, is traditionally eaten about 1 in the afternoon. Weird, right? It's always been that way, ever since my Gran was a little girl. That's how my mom was raised, and that's how we've always had it. I think I'll continue it with my own children in the future. It's kind of a unique tradtion passed down from the women in my family.

Long story short, it was a lvoely day, and afterwards my family and I played a couple rounds of Crokenhole (I don't think that's how you spell it). It's a game with a specially shaped board with circles with different points, and a hole cut in the middle worth twenty. Essentially, you use these "pips", which look like checkers pieces, and you line them up on the base line, then flick with your finger and send them across the board, aiming for the hole in the middle. You can play with up to four people, as there's four sections on the board. Once someone from another team (or another player) is on the board, your goal is to use your "pip" to knock theirs off. At the end of the round (each player has 12 pieces, therefore 12 shots) you add up the points. There's a ton of different ways you can do this - the simplest way is to just add up all the points you got and write them down. We've been playing ever since we were kids at my grandparent's house, and we use the "cancelling" method - if two markers of different players are in the same point space, they cancel out, and you don't get any points. So you cancel all the matching, then if there's two fives on one team and one 10 on another, those cancel, and so forth. At the end, whoever has points still on the board, they write those down. The points denominations are 5, 10, 15, and the middle "pot" is 20. The points get higher the closer you get to the middle, and of course the circles are smaller. Essentially, this is what the board looks like:

Anyway, after that and our turkey comas subsided, I went home and relaxed for a bit more. My sister came over and we watched a chill movie - Julie and Julia, one of my favourites. My roommate was working on a new puzzle on the floor, so I had my two kitties on my lap while watching the movie. It was a nice way to spend Christmas evening. What a nice day.

And now, a lovely picture roll.

Pic before work one morning. I love the blue in my eyes here. It's almost opaque.

Ahh, the Christmas kitties. <3 I bought another collar so they could both be festive. They're so happy about it, can't you tell?

Meet Emmett the giraffe, a needle-felted creation my sister made for me for Christmas. I love him!

My family dog Timbit, Christmas morning at the house. She looks really unimpressed (she doesn't photograph well when she knows I have a camera in my hand), but in truth she was very excited and all grins. I wish she'd be better at smiling at the camera for me. She's got a great smile. <3

Me and my roommate wearing hats from the Christmas crackers at her house. :)

My new mug - a Christmas present from my roommate. Very touching, as I broke my favourite one that night I cut my toe open. Smartiepants. Thankfully I now have a new favourite mug. <3

And another pic with the mug.

Okay, I think that's it!

So Cold

Yeah, it's Christmas Eve. My sister and roommate and I were up till 2 am last night giggling and getting slowly and steadily more and more buzzed. I think if I'd had more than I did I might be hungover right now. I'm not, I'm just really tired, and I have a wee headache coming on. Alcohol just makes me really giddy. And makes me sleep. A lot. We didn't get out of bed for almost eleven hours. Whoa.

Anyway, now that it's past noon and I haven't done anything with my day yet, I'm feeling pretty sedetary (is that the right word?) and really, really bored. I have a tea that I'm drinking as it cools, and now am posting what will most likely be a longer post than usual. In other words, more than two paragraphs cut off after I get distracted by something else.

Come Boxing Day I will be alone in the house for about a week. My roommate and her family are going to the mainland to visit family after Christmas so I'll have the big house to myself, plus three cats. I've got my two babies in my basement and the cat that lives upstairs as well. Phoenix and Anubis have been real buggers lately, I think it's because they know everyone's stressed and ready for the initial break that comes with Christmas being over. It requires way too much planning to be considered a holiday, I think. The few days after are always calmer and more peaceful. It'll be that way for me this year - quiet, and lonely. At least they'll be here for Christmas itself. Though I'll be spending most of the day at my parent's house, it should be a good time. I'm hoping, anyway. You never know what will happen when me and my siblings get together over a turkey coma and presents. This will be the first year I don't live at home, so I will actually get to sleep in (thank goodness), but even so, I'll probably be over there before noon.

There's lots going on right now...I've put my headphones on and am listening to crappy pop music that I can't get out of my head. Ah well. There's so much pounding in the house already...someone's working on something and keeps banging. I don't much care for it. So I'm sitting on my futon, complaining to my non-readers, under two blankets cause I'm FROZEN, drinking tea and blocking it out with Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger.

I've been thinking lately that I have lots to get accomplished this coming year. Closer to the date I'll do an evaluation and resolution post, but right now I'm just thinking about lots of things. Mostly my weight. I have to get rid of this massive problem. I can't seem to get rid of any of the excess I clearly don't need. I'm using Just Dance to my advantage, and my new goal is to play it for an hour at least three times per week. Right now I'm doing more than an hour, but only on the weekends, with my roommate or sister, or both. It's a fun way to sweat it out. And the music is not too bad on the new game (Just Dance 3). I miss some of the songs I liked on the second one, but eventually I plan to buy it anyway. And I'm working on diet, but it's hard when during this season chocolate is everywhere and thousand calorie Christmas dinners are on the horizon. It'll be easier when all that crap is outta here!

Okay, I lied. I'm now listening to PomplamooseMusic on Youtube. I am in love with this artist. The vocalist's name is Nataly, and she's incredible. Her band uses unconventional methods (shaker eggs, chimes, electronic sounds, etc) to create covers and original music. They're awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xMCNmUaGko&feature=bf_next&list=PLF125407272F3C1A4&lf=plcp

Seriously. Click the link. They're doing a "super useful dongle" as well, which is an engraved USB drive with their music on it, that I desperately want, cause it would be so neat to have. Her voice is incredible. Seriously. It's so unique. Makes me think of a woman in the 30's or something.

"It's not easy to say, but I'd like to get over, I'd like to get over you." - Expiration Date, Pomplamoose

I guess that's it. Haha, I said I wouldn't get distracted, but now I'm hooked on watching Pomplamoose videos. :)