Why does it always have to be fire

I am on a spending spree.

I finally bit the bullet and bought myself a couple of iTunes cards so I could replenish my music collection. I bought Rufus Wainwright's "Release The Stars", and when I get my next cards I'll buy the others too. I fell back in love with his music this week when I was feeling particularly emotional (I'm expecting a certain little female friend to come creeping up soon). His voice is like the voice of God (if there was a God). It's so magical, it can evoke all kinds of emotions. If I was in the right state of mind, some of his songs could probably stir me to tears. He's just so incredible.

Okay, enough of that. I actually went out and bought 3 of Coldplay's CD's from walmart today too. Besides the fact that it totaled over $30, I am very pleased. I've always loved them, and I feel they deserve me spending money on them. Their new album is incredible <3

I feel so sick and cold - I wonder if I'm getting a cold of some kind of flu. Ick. My boyfriend has offered to give me comfort and love. What a sweetie.

My roommate got accepted into Katimavik, so come July, I have to move again. For the first few days, I was in shock; I couldn't quite believe it. That probably made it seem like I wasn't happy for her - which isn't true, I am. It just came as a surprise. I had finally become comfortable living in her parent's basement, and now I have to plan to live in an apartment on my own. Which is going to suck, considering money is always a big thing, and I have two cats (most apartment buildings will allow you one, if you're lucky). So I have my expenses, and rent will most likely be worth at least one full paycheck. Doesn't sound like a very happy situation, does it? My boyfriend's parents have offered to let me live with them (which is amazing, considering they've met me...twice. Lol). But there's no way I can impose like that; I have tons of crap and two cats and they have two dogs and various reptiles, and no doors. There's no way I'd have any breathing room, and my cats would probably get out and get hit by a car or something. They're not cat people and don't really understand the craftiness that comes with that species. It's very nice and appreciated, but I would rather pay the extra money and have a place to myself. That way, if he and I are still dating by July (and I sure hope we will be), we'll have some privacy - FINALLY. It's so hard having a boyfriend when I live with parents and a young child, and he lives with his close-knit family. There's no breathing room, no privacy, no real "alone" time, if you know what I mean.

I'm just going to fall into Coldplay now. I'll keep a record of what's going on as more information comes available (because SO many people read this. Lol).

Some Catching Up

Once again, excerpts from the little journal I write in when I'm bored at work. Because I'm not creative.

*Monday*

Three euths today. Lots of tears. I was thankful not to be present for the second one  - a rottie with a retarded gait and a magical personality that made everyone smile -, all the best ones go before their time. This one passed from a struggle with bone cancer.

We were crazy busy this morning and now there's nothing to do.

There's a new doctor visiting today - I wonder if she'll replace our main doctor? I hope she won't replace our female doctor who is out due to injury! She seems nice, though. I hope she'll stick around.

*Tuesday*

I am by myself and there is nothing going on. Yesterday there was a flurry of busyness; today was a similar morning but now I've done all my phone calls and pulled all the files and now I'm bored. Maybe after this appointment leaves I will put stickers on our food stock.

I have yet to get my 3 month reception review - the office manager's son hurt his ankle last week and the staff meeting (and my review) was cancelled. This wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that now I'm obsessing and panicking needlessly over it because it hasn't happened yet.

This weekend was interesting - Boyfriend met my mom and brother but apparently bringing a guy over, just the two of us, wasn't a clear enough message that we're dating. She actually emailed my sister to ask if we were "just friends" or not. Yeesh.

Well, my sister's coming back this weekend and there will be much Just Dance playing and probably some alcohol consumption and most likely a lot of Tim Horton's mochas. :3

But Boyfriend is not allowed to sleep over - we almost went all the way last weekend, but there's no way anyone could tell, it was like 4 am. Pssh. I said it wouldn't happen and it didn't. They're just being sticks in the mud.

I did get paranoid and had a horrifying pregnancy dream last night. My mom was in it for the delivery portion of the dream - I supposedly "passed out" and when I woke up, there she was. I'm unsure of the name, but something's pulling me towards 'Ella Rose'. I wouldn't name my daughter that, but it served its purpose in the dream, apparently. Plus the dream leaned more towards how much pain I was apparently in following the delivery. I don't remember too much about it, but for some reason there were difficulties. But our little 'Ella Rose' was so beautiful - beauty in its greatest form, for sure. Why is it that every time I have a "baby" dream, it's a girl, but every time it's a "kid/teen" dream, it's a boy? Weird.

Anyway, I am constantly trouble-shooting names. I know it's weak but I have three dreams - to be an author, to own a no-kill shelter/e-vet/adoption facility/sanctuary/rescue, and to be a mother. I can't wait for my dreams to come true, and having names on my mind is just part of that dream and that desire for them to become real. Back to my point. I've always wanted to encorporate "Pearl", in honor of my granny who was such an inspiration to be growing up. But if I honor one grandmother shouldn't I honor the second? Problem is, while one is "Lolita Pearl", the other is "Flora Byriad". My gran's name is a little dated. Perhaps "Flora" would be nicer than "Pearl". Or I'll pull a my mom and use them both (my brother's full name encorporates both my grandfathers). Or maybe I'll cancel them altogether. I don't know yet. And I've always loved the name "Alice" but it might be too direct to Alice In Wonderland. I don't know where "Ella Rose" came from. It's pretty, but it's not perfect.

I think I may finally be bleeding. Whew, what a relief.

Nope, nothing yet. Come on Mother Nature, quit toying with me!

Why does it feel like it's been such a long week? It's only Tuesday!

I have to buy cat food today. Ugh. That means I'll have to walk home with it too. Oh well. My hungry kitties will love me for it.

Ella Rose is haunting me. I can't stop thinking about her lovely little face.

I can't have a baby at 20! But I also can't have an abortion.

I'm obviously overreacting. It's not like we even did anything. Yikes! Can you say over-active imagination? That dream just shook me. And she stayed with me.

My coworker (head client advisor) actually wrote up a newsletter for me to read about my too-long, rambling appointment notes. Yeesh. I guess my poor quality, on-and-on writing style has carried over into work. Come on, receptionist brain! Let's get things a little better here.

Long entry today. A testiment to my rambling, run-on brain. And my senseless rambling. Delightful.

Met My Ghost

I've been listening to some new music lately - mostly selections Boyfriend has given me, and some free "Pick of the Week"'s from Starbucks. The title is from Jason Bajada's song, "The Sound Your Life Makes". Boyfriend and I have similar tastes in music, so that makes life really easy. And movies are a broad spectrum subject anyway, so it doesn't matter if we don't have the same taste. It's similar enough, so that's good too.

In other news, my cats are assholes as always, but as they approach nine months of age I've noticed they're starting to settle down into more adult behaviour. It's good to see them mature into cats, not kittens anymore.

I came home from work early today - it was totally dead. So that made today a little nicer. I did some tidying up so the house doesn't look like a sty anymore. Yahoo. Now that I have some relaxing time I'm listening to music and writing this calm blog post. Now Coldplay is on and I'm lost. I easily become trapped in the sounds they create with their music - there's a select few artists that this happens with. Rufus Wainwright, The Hush Sound, Coldplay, Ingrid Michaelson, Imogen Heap, and more recently, Foster the People. Those are the main ones, anyway. My faves. <3

I'm a fan of soundtracks, too. RENT, Sweeny Todd, Les Chansons d'Amour, Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog, Repo! The Genetic Opera...Love em.

"They say she works with the homeless and doesn't eat meat. We have a problem with her!" - So They Say from Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog

Yes, I'm adding things as I'm listening to them. What of it? I'm pretty sure I'm already ADD anyway. :P

I have a couple of trips coming up in the near future. My roommate and I will be taking a day trip down to Victoria one weekend so she can pop in at the convention going on. I plan to hide in a mall and spend more money than I'm supposed to. That will be fun, I'm sure - despite the friction between us now that Boyfriend has appeared in my life (by the way, did I mention he's meeting my mom this weekend? Delighted).

"Change your mind, mess around." - Got what you need by Young Rival

The second thing is the maybe-cancelled-but-we-hope-it'll-still-happen reptile show in Abbotsford in April. Boyfriend wants me to come with him, just the two of us. It would be simple to say yes, of course, if it wasn't the same weekend as my roommate and best friend's birthday. It's been discussed and she plans to go to Vancouver to see her grandma for her birthday anyway, so I have the clear to take a trip with Boyfriend. I think we're going to buy a snake :3 I desperately want one, and have ever since grade 9 when I babysat a beautiful albino pink and white cornsnake named Leroy for two weeks (and took care of him for the rest of the school year as I was an assistant for the teacher in one of my blocks). Boyfriend wants one too, and I think because of my cats and the fact that I can't keep a snake at my house, he's going to keep it at his with the rest of his reptiles and we'll co-own it. Or I'll purchase it and he'll house her for me. Yes, I want a female. Her name will be Stellaluna, and she'll be beautiful. I chose Stellaluna for a number of reasons - first, it's a lovely name. Second, it's the title of my favourite book when I was a kid. Third, the author of the book Stellaluna also wrote a second book (both with incredible artwork, as I recall) titled Verdi, about a green tree snake who didn't want to turn green (they're born yellow), for it meant he wouldn't want to slither around anymore. So there's a tie to the snake world. And because I want an albino, Luna meaning moon will tie in nicely too. So yeah. I want a white and yellow albino female so I can call her Stellaluna. Boyfriend disagrees, he likes the bright colored snakes. :P

Whatever. That's my update for today. Ramble ramble ramble.

Drama

Okay, so I was being a bit dramatic yesterday with my anger-filled post.

Yeesh, what a moron. There is not a truer phrase than the one "don't make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings". Aww yeah. I guess I could delete yesterday's post, but for some reason I feel it needs to be there.

Today more than made up for yesterday. We had a lazy Sunday morning breakfast (which was delicious), then wandered town making small purchases on things we didn't need. The boys now have an automatic water system and a catnip filled toy shaped like a heart. :)

Then there was much makeup fun, as we spent two hours playing with colors and eyeliners and whatnot. So yeah, pretty relaxing Sunday.

I don't really have anything else to say. I just wanted to post this one to apologize for the last one.

Rollercoaster Ride

This is awesome. Just when I start to relax into the idea of dating someone, my roommate becomes the most snobby, uncouth, indecent person I've had the mispleasure of spending time with. Who know women could be so goddamn spiteful?

We had the most outrageous arguement the other night which lead to mental breakdown (which I am not allowed to tell anyone the details of, but believe me it was a doozy) on my part. We have been hostile and fragile ever since, and just last night my new boyfriend came over to spend the night (no, nothing happened; what do you take me for?). I had already ok'd this with my roommate (as it's her parents' house we're living in), who said it was fine. We watched a movie than set up some cushions on the floor to sleep on. There was cuddling and kissing, but that's it, and despite being quiet and respectful of the other people in the household, my roommate still had the nerve to attack me for it the next day. Excuse me for wanting to see someone I've come to like quite a bit. She stated rather blatantly, "He can't come over every weekend." I said why not? And her reply was, "It's not fair to my parents, and it's not fair to me."

Oh, really? I pay my rent, I have been employed this whole time (she took two months off working for a "mental health break" and only got hired again because her dad pulled some strings at his work), and have always gone out of my way not to be in anyone else's way. I won't even go upstairs, due to this chronic fear I have of not belonging and not deserving to be around. So I stay in my basement, in my corner, since I don't have any of my own space (or even my own bed) and keep quiet about everything that's inevitablly going on around me. But it's "not fair" for me to have someone over once a week because I like spending time with him? Excuse me for intruding. Shouldn't I have some say in who I spend my time with and who I date? Shouldn't I have some say when I pay my rent on time every two weeks from my paycheck, I have never caused any problems, and I'm a quiet person who rarely shows her face to anyone else who lives in this house? God, this is toxic.

As a result, I have decided as soon as the right place comes along and I'm sure I can afford it, I'm moving away. I don't care if I have to take a bus home or if I'm scared all night long being away from her. I'm taking my cat and I'm leaving this putrid house. Honestly, I don't see how I did anything wrong by inviting one person over to spend the night once a week. I made sure the TV was low enough that it didn't bother anyone upstairs, and if anything DOES happen in the future I would never allow it to become so obvious and so loud that anyone would notice. I'm a little better than that, can I please have a tiny bit of credit? I don't need to be treated like a child that should be punished. It's not like I was out of line. I mean, come on. I'm 20. Give me a break.

Evidently, that's not the way she sees it.

So, things are very bitter right now. All I want to do is curl up in a dark corner, listening to Pomplamoose and cry. How classic girl is that? God I'm such a waste of space.

Complain, complain, complain.