SMQ (8)

71. What do you think about when you're falling asleep?

Depends on the day. Say, if I've been drinking, I usually just go to sleep, no problems, no questions asked. If it's an average weeknight, I usually calculate mentally the number of hours of sleep I'll get before waking up for work the next day. Sometimes I think about the day I just had, sometimes I think about last night's dream, sometimes I'm waiting for my cats to calm down and settle so I can actually get to sleep. Usually I sleep with one arm under the pillow and the other wrapped around something, so finding a comfortable position isn't exactly easy; sometimes I am thinking that I am uncomfortable. It depends on the day.

72. What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

A certain someone's completely blissful, happy, genuine smile.

73. What is your favourite thing to do outdoors? Why?

My favourite thing lately has been taking the camera and wandering around in the forest, on the beach, along the trail...anywhere beautiful and natural, and taking photos of anything that strikes my creative bones. 

74. What would you write in a letter that you could send back to yourself as a teenager?

Considering I was still technically a teenager last year, this one won't be so easy. 

Dear teenage me,

This is your twenty-year-old self. I want you to know that even though your high school years weren't the best, to cherish them and the time spent with all your friends, because once you graduate, you'll hardly see any of them, and if you do, it's once or twice a year. I also want you to know that I regret not staying in piano till the bitter end (meaning, grade 8 piano), as seeing our sister's success in it made us insanely jealous. Never leave the one that loves you best. Come March 2013, it could have been five years. But I'm proud of you. While you feel that no one sees you, I am proud of you, and love you. Keep going, and you'll be rewarded.

75. What would you write in a letter you could send forward to yourself in ten years?

Dear 30 year old me,

I hope that you've made something of yourself. I wonder if you decided to become an author, or if you're a vet tech, or if you're still a receptionist. I wonder if you're a mother, as you always wanted to be. I wonder if you're married, where you're living. I wonder if you're still in lousy Campbell River working behind a desk. Granted, I love our job, but I hope that at 30 you are making something better of yourself. It's odd to think one day I'll be 30. Hey, maybe I'll get hit by a van at 21, and I'll never see 30. But I am assuming you'll still be chubby, baby-faced, making no progress. I sincerely hope not. If we have a daughter, please name her perfectly, and if we have a son, you know what to do. I hope that our child(ren) is/are beautiful, and that their father (?) will love them to no end. I hope Phoenix and Anubis are still there and they're lovely older men. I wonder if they'll ever settle down? I'm sure whatever life you live is where we want to be, and I trust you.

76. When did you first realize that one day you would be old, and someday, die?

I honestly don't remember. I was probably young.

77. Describe what it was like to fall in love.

Oh boy. This one's going to be good....okay. The first time, it was easy. Effortless. I fell in love with my best friend; we already knew each other inside and out, we were intricately connected on a deep level that only friendship can give you. We were inseperable...still are, really. The second time...it was painful, because I loved two at once. Why did my heart think I could take that? So I left the first to pursue the second, thinking that this was what I wanted. When he left me, I went back to the first, despite the rule that states never going back to exes. There are a couple other stories in between, but the end fact is that falling in love is hard, it's easy, it's painful, and it's wonderful! It's something everyone needs to experience at least once, and if nothing else, the pain lets you know that you're still alive, and that you're still something that's real, something that feels. Sometimes it can feel like you're losing yourself in the other person. I have to assume this happens to everyone...

78.Explain how you chose your career path.

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a vet. When I needed a job, a couple of years ago now, my friend pointed out the dog boarding ad and, desperate, I applied that day. The manager seemed to like me but they went through a couple other applicants before finally hiring me. I worked in boarding for 8 months until it shut down, then they kept me in grooming to cover another lady's vacation to China, and halfway through, one of their receptionists took sick and was going to be off for six months, so they offered me her position. In January, it was determined she wasn't coming back, so I was made permanent, and have since been working happily up front. It's kind of a funny thing that I wanted to be a vet as a child and now I work with them. I work in the treatment room too, so I get to be alongside the doctors and help them out. It's fun, exhausting, nerveracking, but I'm getting better, and it's good. I'm happy there.

79. When have you realized you were really wrong in your judgement of someone?

I don't know...I don't really judge people..if I can help it. It's hard to judge people based on anything really, but like everyone else I'm not perfect, I'm sure I've made a wrong judgement of someone, I just don't remember an instance at this time.

80. How do you react when you've made a mistake?

Usually I feel like shit, especially if it's something important. Like, leaving air bubbles in the IV line accidentally, or forgetting to turn something off, or leaving the door open. 

Pictures? PICTURES!

So I haven't done some photos in a while...mostly because our fancy on-loan camera went back to its owner so we haven't been getting out there and getting creative behind the lens. However, we did acquire some foster ferrets and wandered about today. So there are pictures indeed!

 Testing! Trying out my old camera again after a shower the other day, wanting to see how it stacked up to the newer, nicer one. Not bad, but I definitely prefer the focus on the other one...and the zoom!

SMQ (7)

61. If you could change one thing about your spouse, what would it be?

I'm not married.

62. What is the greatest vacation you've taken and what lessons can you take from it?

I'd have to say our 10 day trip to Vancouver/Surrey a few years back. We recently went back there and the tranquil feeling was unmatched. Being with someone else's family is a little weird but it's nice to sit around a dinner table to an excellent meal and discuss dogs and all manner of things with people that genuinely care about what you have to say. When we went back in 2010, I had just started a new job as a hostess/busperson at a Chinese restaurant which I hated, and was told to take 2 weeks off while they "tried out" new people. This seemed a bit weird, but when I got home I had receieved a call from my supervisor saying they liked me and wanted me to come back to start training as a waitress. I was so pleased that they weren't trying out new people to get rid of me. However, a couple days before my first shift after my vacation, the owner called me and said it "wasn't working out". I was quite upset about this, as they had just told me how much they liked me and wanted to train me for more things. Anyway, I'm getting off the point here. When we were in Surrey in 2010, we spent a good 10 days there, went to the aquarium, shopped in Vancouver, rode the skytrain, all kinds of things that one does when they are raised in a small town and are unleashed into the city for 10 days. It was a lot of fun! The biggest thing I can take from this trip was that I may love Campbell River, and I may like visiting Vancouver, but Campbell River is my home, and I will always love coming home to it. After driving around in Vancouver a couple times now (to clarify, I was not the one driving) I can see how calm Campbell River roads are and why I love it here so much. I almost had a panic attack in the Metrotown Mall because there were so many people pushing and shoving by. It was terrifying! Here the most you get is a couple odd people in the store with you at the same time. Well, in the larger stores there's more people, but nothing near to the number in Vancouver. Yikes.

63. If you won a million dollars but had to give it away, who would you give it to and why?

If it was a person, I'd give it to my roommate and best friend, or to my parents so my mom could finally buy a little house in the country with farmland and a deck. If I had to give it to say, a charitable organization, I'd fund an animal-related society. Not necessarily the SPCA or PETA or anything like that, as they euthanize more than they adopt. Maybe something like WWF which focuses on conservation of endangered animals.

64. What was your first pet? Why did you choose this pet?

This can be misinterpreted. Technically the first pet in my home was our dog Ranger, who my parents had before I was born. But the first pet I bought for myself was probably a fish, and then my two beloved (but moronic) cats, Phoenix and Anubis. I did have a guineapig but it became the family's guinea. On a side note, my mom's current guinea pig recently passed away. :( But anyway, I've had a couple bettas on my own, and then my two cats, and now my snow cornsnake Stellaluna. I'm definitely an animal lover...and that doesn't include all the various pets we had growing up! I can list them all...Cuddles the pirana (my father's), the ever growing fish tank, Ranger the longhaired shepherdXgreat dane, Munroe the rottweilerXshepherd, Buddy the guinea pig, Friskie the hooded rat (my sister's), Mira the hooded rat (my sister's), Popcorn the hamster, Rosie the tarantula, Oreo and Fudgeo the guinea pigs we looked after for a couple consecutive summers for the school, Timbit the huskyXgerman shepherd, Trojan my sister's betta fish, Pffernusse the white and black guinea pig, Eoduin Augustus Theodore Grace my first betta, Ulysses Tennyson Wordsworth my second betta fish, hmm is that everyone? My mom also had a couple of rabbits before I was born...Dartanion and Buckwheat. Dartanion was gone before I was born, but Buckwheat lived to be 13! Oh shoot, we also had two birds, a finch named Patches and a yellow canary named Goldie, and now my mom has a red/brown canary named Ferris Nathaniel. She also currently has Rosie (who was a school pet but we eventually got to keep) still, and also some stick bugs named Bonnie, Clyde, Jeckall and Hyde (though one has since died and I don't know which one), and a praying mantis who I can't remember the name of. Okay, why did I choose my cats? Because we lived in an apartment and our friend's cat was having kittens. We wanted a dog but it wasn't practical. I love them dearly. <3 Why did I choose Stellaluna? Ever since I looked after an albino cornsnake named Leroy in grade 6 for a teacher, I've wanted one. She looks albino, so that's why I picked her.

65. If you could build a car customized just for you, what would it contain?

Oh jeez, I don't know. I love those little hatchbacks, they're so cute, and I bet they wouldn't be bad on gas, considering the only thing I'd use it for is driving to and from work, and groceries, and the occaisional road trip. XD But if I could customize something like that...hmm. I don't know much about cars, so all I can really think of is little add ons. Okay. So I'd want it to be in a color I like, one time I saw a coral car and fell in love with it for the split second I saw it. So I'd love a coral car. Or silver, black, white. Something simple, if not colorful.  My best friend's car has an ipod thing in it, and that's practically essential, as all my music is on my ipod. I have a few cd's but I'd get bored of them soon enough. I also love sun roofs!

***

On a side note, my washing machine just made a scary noise so I stopped it o.o

***

66. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Ironically, a vet. And look where I am!

67. If you had to write your life story, what would the title be? Why?

Well, I've always thought of compiling a poetry collection, and since that's kind of like my life story told in poems, I guess I'll go on about that. I wanted to call it Surreal Paradise, which was the name of my first blog and would be the name of many other things if I had the motivation to do it. I don't know why Surreal Paradise. It's something I came up with a couple years ago when it was first suggested to me to publish a poetry collection. I don't know if I'll ever do it.

68. How do you feel when you see something beautiful? Have you ever seen something so beautiful it made you cry?

Yes. I have seen so many beautiful things, beautiful in their simplicity. A new flower, a newborn baby, a crisp blade of grass, a gathering of trees, the world that lies behind my cat's eyes. Yes, I have cried for beauty. I have a poet's mind. Everything seems more complicated than what it is, to me. I can look at a flower and see more than just a flower. I don't know if anyone else does - if you do, I'd love to know it's not just me. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. 

69. What are you thankful for?

Where do I start? My roomate and best friend, her everlasting patience with my tsunami sometimes, her support, her love, her constance. I am thankful for my beloved animals, my pets. I am thankful I have all my family still. I am thankful that my grandparents are no longer in pain and are elsewhere enjoying their afterlife. I am thankful that I am working, steadily, and have more than enough to pay my rent and bills and get the groceries I want, to splurge on little things without worrying (too much). I am thankful for so much and feel I don't give enough to those who give to me. I can't always convey what I'm feeling. So many people ask me, "are you okay?" and I always reply, "yes, of course." I can't always show that I'm happy, that I'm having a good time, that I'm smiling on the inside because for whatever reason my face doesn't always smile too.

70. This morning, when I got out of bed, I....tonight, when I got to bed, I....

This morning, when I got out of bed, I dressed in a plain, too-long dress and did some much-needed cleaning in my house. It was getting bad! Now it smells like febreeze and swiffer fluid. 

Tonight, when I go to bed, I will probably crash. Or maybe I'll read or go on the computer. I don't know yet!

And now that I've written this extensive entry, I'm off to shower so I can be presentable. Then I'll probably clean some more things. Clean ALL THE THINGS!

Vancouver, Old Friends, and Labor Day

Saturday was kind of a shit show.

Excuse my French there.

But honestly, I worked from 8:30 to almost 6:00, multiple emergencies and everyone was waiting, though in fairness it was good that we could see everyone with one doctor and still made it out of the building by 5:30. Anyway, by the time I made it home and got all packed up to leave it was just after 7:00 and we were really starting to panic. Nanaimo is 2 hours away, our ferry was for 9:30 and we still had to stop for gas in Courtney (half an hour away from Campbell River). Thankfully, because my roommate likes to push her little Acura Vigor ("Toby"), we made it with some time to spare and got on the ferry with no problem. It was dark by then so we stayed in the car and relaxed, reading and listening to music. By the time we made if off the ferry, we were so tired but still had to get to the hotel. I read off the map we bought at the ferry terminal and she got us there safely, almost falling into a speed trap at the exit (it was under construction so the speed was 30!). We crashed and slept till 8 (her till 9:30) and then set off for Starbucks and Metrotown for shopping.

We did meet up with an old friend of ours, though, and trooped around Chinatown (disgusting, piss-smelling street markets unfortunately included) for a while before heading back to the car via skytrain. Apparently there is some kind of convention going on in November that my roommate wants us to go to, so we'll be seeing our friend again then. I don't know how I feel about being stuck in a large building full of anime geeks but we;ll see how it pans out. She says I'll enjoy myself, so I guess I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

We spent the evening in Surrey with her family so we had dinner and her cousin took us for a ride in his gorgeous yellow Camero. My goodness, it still smelled like new car. Fancy little thing that hit 200 without feeling like it'd passed 60. You don't feel speed in that car the same way you feel it in Toby. Maybe it's because Toby's 20 years old and the Camero is this year's model. Haha, I don't know, but it was exhilerating. Dinner was lovely and I was much more brave that I thought I'd be, chatting with her aunt about dogs and her cousin about movies and classic cartoons. It was a nice time, even though it wasn't my family.

We went shopping in Surrey on Monday before heading back towards the ferry to go home. Once we hit Nanaimo we went to visit my sister to see her new "apartment" style dorm, which was very nice. Then we took her out to dinner and headed on home, making it back by 10. It was a tiring trip, but lots of fun.

Right now I am watching netflix and painting my nails with Essie's Bikini So Teeny. It's a lazy kind of day. I gotta catch up on my relaxing!

So Many Questions (6)

Getting bored of these yet?

One of these days I'll have something new to post or write about. Today is not the day.

51. Which superpower would you choose to have if you had the option, and why? Conversely, which superhero do you find to be the most overrated, and why?

First, in the aspect of choosing a superpower, I don't know if this really counts, but I'd choose flight. I'd adore the chance to soar through the air on my own accord, flitting from place to place, sitting on top of buildings, relaxing on cliffs with no fear of falling to my death. It'd be marvelous. I know I'd love to have wings, if you were wondering if I'd just fly around with my arms flapping or something. No, wings would be so lovely. Birds have this sense of freedom that comes with them, and it's something that I want to feel. Part two of this question - I see Sheldon saying, "and of course, the answer is.." Batman. All he is is a bored rich guy. Bruce Wayne isn't really a superhero, he's a rich man with nothing better to do. Sure, he does nice things, but he's not a superhero in my mind. He's overrated because everyone loves him (I don't see it). Granted, the Batman movie franchise made so much money, gross amounts of money. And yes, I have seen The Dark Knight and enjoyed it, and I have seen the more recent Dark Knight Rises and enjoyed it as well. I couldn't properly form an opinion without knowing something about the character. Personally though, I like Spiderman. :)

52. You have one week to do whatever you want, all expenses paid. What things would you do? Where would you go?

Hell, if money was no object, I'd go shopping in Europe. I'd tour France, I'd see the sights, spend all the money, do all the things, eat all the food, drink all the coffee. I'd stay in an expensive hotel and watch the sun rise over Europe with fancy coffee that costs more than it should.

The other half of me laughs and says I'd love be at home and just buy some things, get bills taken care of, and make my life here a little more comfortable. But expensive coffee in France sounds pretty damn good.

53. If your best friend came to you depressed and upset like you've never seen before, how would you react?

First, I'd be scared. What the hell could be so terrible that it'd cause her to feel this way? Second, I'd do anything she'd want me to - listen to her worries, console her fears, comfort her, etc. Third, I'd feel angry and whoever - or whatever - caused her this distress. I'd want to hurt them back, though I probably never would. I'd want to defend her.

54. In what ways do you sometimes wish to act a better friend, but don't? Why do you find yourself unable to do these things?

When I see this question I think of a couple friends in particular. I've always been desperate to help this one girl in her troubles, but am not sure how to go about it, so I always back down and just listen to her, be her shoulder to cry on, her advice-bearing silent helper. She always asks me for advice but never takes it, so I wonder why she bothers asking in the first place, but I still give it and still care genuinely for her, and her happiness. I worry about her sometimes. I know she can handle herself, but I wish in some ways that I could be more honest with her and tell her what I really think. I don't know if this would make me a better friend, though.

55. You have one hour to come up with the most interesting television show you can and pitch/describe it.

Okay, this one has me stumped. First, I don't have cable, so I don't watch much tv. What I do watch is on Netflix. :/

56. "If someone gains, someone else loses." How much does this reflect life, and how much does it come up short? Reflecting upon this, how could your attitude been different to events in your past?

I think this is relatively accurate. If someone gets a new puppy, someone else had to give (or sell) that puppy to them. That person has now lost a puppy in order for the other person to have it. I guess in my past I never really considered that someone else would have to give for me to have. I was a kid, though, so I don't think it was really important to think about what other people were giving me so much as it was to run around the playground or ride my bike. Yes, this world is full of give and take. It was just not something I really gave much thought to.

57. Would you be a different person today if you had a different childhood? How?

Definitely. Everyone would be different than they are today if they grew up a different way from the way they did. Does that sentence make sense? Not really. Oh well. My point is, if you grow up with two parents, you're going to come out different than if you grew up in a single-parent household. Childhood has a massive effect on your adult life, in my opinion. How many times do people start their answers (or continue conversations) with "When I was a kid..."?

58. Consider some of the parents others had growing up. What type of person would you be if you had those situations?

I can't rightly say. Just because we see one thing doesn't mean that's how someone is within the privacy of their own family. I mean, you could meet someone else's mother, and they could seem cold and distant, and in reality they're the most nurturing person you'd ever meet, she just happens to be shy. I don't know. You get what I'm saying, right?

59. What if your life had been harder or easier? How do you think you'd be different?

If my life was easier growing up, I'm sure I'd be more of a brat than I am now, and fatter than I am now. If it was harder, I'm sure I wouldn't have my patience, honesty, and good nature (right?). I mean, if my family hadn't struggled financially when I was growing up, would I have the value for money that I have now? Probably not. If my family had been living in another country, would I love Campbell River? No, I'd probably not know it existed.

60. Are you happy with your job, life, situation? What parts are good? What parts are bad?

I am happy with my job; it's where I want to be. The good parts are my coworkers, getting to pet dogs and cats all day, snuggling puppies, talking to people, etc. The bad parts go without saying - euthanasia, stupid people making stupid decisions, people without means to support their pets yet they have a new puppy, etc. I'm relatively happy with my life, I have a good job, I have my two cats, I have my best friend(s), I have my family, I have my (relatively) good health. I have means financially to live apart from my parents, I have the money to buy things I want not just what I need, I can provide for my animals without fear. The bad parts I guess are my constant depression, my lack of motivation, etc. Mostly, though, my days are alright, and even though work stresses me out, it's worth it to do something I love and come home to a place I call home, even though we rent it.