The sun sets in paradise/So Many Questions (5)

If you DON'T like pop music, DO NOT follow this link. I've currently been obsessed with this song - I'm not sure why. It gets stuck in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRaWnd3LJfs

I also have a new Pomplamoose song to share with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8j4e6rBx1Y

Okay, while you unreaders are listening to that, I'm going to go put some laundry in.

Also, my blogger is lagging for some reason...

 

***

Oh man, do I love doing chores. I've made a list for myself. Shit just got real.

41. If you were to die today what would you like people to say about you?

First, I doubt if anyone would really miss me, besides maybe my roommate, and it'd make things harder for my coworkers because I'm one of the only people there who's available any day for any shift. But if anyone was to remember me, I'd hope that they'd remember me as a friendly person, not shy or distant (I have much improved through my job). I'd hope that they would say I worked hard and loved my job, that I was valuable in my position, that I was worth keeping around. I'd hope that my friends would remember me as caring and kind, and not as the manic-depressive, pathetic, sad creature that I am. I'd hope that they would be able to see past that. I'd hope I'd be remembered modestly. I certainly don't think anyone would be spray painting my initials around town (years ago three teens took their lives and one, much loved, was painted on every possible surface, I'm not sure why, but they celebrate his birthday every year despite his being gone), but I'd hope to be remembered as a nice person that was generally well-liked...not popular, per se, but liked within my social group.

42. What is your proudest accomplishment?

It depends on what you're talking about. When I was in piano, I was quite proud of usually taking home first place in the February Festival of Performing Arts (in my respective class). Then again, both my brother and sister would do the same, so I don't know if I was truly proud of that, considering it was my good teaching that allowed me to excel. And in fact, I didn't really care for piano anyway. It was an honor, however, to be asked to perform in the honors group at the end of the festival, because they chose one person from each class to perform a piece of their choosing from the festival selection. I think I did that twice. My siblings have done it too. Otherwise, I am proud of finishing high school with relatively good grades; I never feared that I wouldn't graduate, but I wanted to get the best grades I could, and while some areas were lacking, I scored the highest on my English 12 provincial exam of the entire school (for that semester). I was utterly shocked when my beloved English teacher told me - I couldn't believe that I'd ranked so high. I can't remember now if my percentage (in the high nineties, I don't remember the exact number now) was the highest of the school or the highest of the province. I can't remember which the teacher told me. If not the province, definitely the school. I was very happy that day.

43. If you could be anybody, who would you be?

I think about this now and again. I know I'd love to be pretty, skinny, naturally beautiful, naturally liked and attractive. I'd love to be smarter, to be clever, to be classy. I'd love to be someone else. But in the same breath, if I was to be all of those things, I wouldn't be the same, and while I desperately want to better myself, maybe that's all I have to do. Better MYSELF, not change myself entirely. All I'd have to do, really, is lose some weight, learn my body, learn my face, learn how to dress for my shape. It sounds optimistic but the idea of the work involved is daunting. But gradually, I'm getting better, and I know for a fact that a select few people out there believe that I am beautiful, that I am attractive, and don't understand why I don't see it. Perhaps I'm too blocked by my own subconcious. I don't think I'll ever know the real reason why I can't look in the mirror and be satisfied. Some days are better than others, though, and I think I'll continue to get better.

44. What is the most important aspect of your life, and why?

The most important aspect of my life has nothing to do with me. It's another person entirely. I would explain, but I don't feel I need to. She's everything to me, she's my best friend, my sole support system, my only confidence booster. I love her dearly and would be lost without her constance in my life.

45. Where would you travel, if you could go anywhere?

This is kind of cheating, but I'd tour Europe. I want to see all of it, not one specific place. Though there is one spot in Westminster Abbey that I desperately want to visit - William Wordsworth. Though his body is not buried there, there are memorials for so many of my favourite poets in the same area, and I want to see them all.

46. What time period would you like to be born in?

This one's easy. I've always wanted to be part of Queen Elizabeth I's court. She's my idol.

47. What extinct animal would you bring back, if you could?

Tricky! I'm not entirely sure. I'd be more interested in protecting those animals in danger, rather than bringing back one that's already gone. I'd like to save the pandas or the tigers, or elephants. Something that's endangered, something that can be kept safe.

48. What profession would you have chosen, if not your current one?

Easy. I'd be an author. It's my childhood dream (though my first dream was to be a vet, and funny how that worked out!), and I still want to write on the side, but I can't get inspired, and I doubt that I'd ever get published.

49. What book setting would you visit, if you could?

Hobbiton! It sounds so beautiful and the movies made it look exquisate. Other than that, I'd love to go back to the time of Anne Rice's Cry to Heaven, or maybe Philippa Gregory's The Other Boleyn Girl.

50. Given the chance to give your child only one quality as a person, which would you choose? How about if that choice were unavailable, what would be your second and third choices? Why are these so important to you?

Alright, I can feel this one will be a long one, because if you've read this in the past, you'd know that having a child is another dream of mine; to be pregnant, to have the expectation and fear, to have a little me to nurture and soothe to sleep, to have that exhaustion and joy that comes with motherhood. Anyway, if I could give her one quality, it would be honesty. Too many children hide things, lie to their parents, or steal from stores, etc. If my child could be honest, it'd save a lot of struggle, I think, and she'd be a better person. If honesty was not available, I would give her patience, or kindness. Patience is so important when you're growing up - kids all want to be adults and don't realize that what they have right now is so precious. Be patient, you'll get there. Kindness goes without saying - I'd love a child kind enough to help another child, to love her pet unconditionally, to care for her parents, to take care of herself, so she'll be alright on her own. That's all parents really want, isn't it? For their child to be okay when they're gone?

Alright, I think I'm done for now. Time to go back to my chores (yay!).

 

 

A Heavy Dose of Atmosphere

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIz2K3ArrWk

 

It occurs to me that I haven't really posted much in a while, just answers to those questions I found on StumbleUpon which will take me FOREVER to complete, because I just realized there's over 700 of them. :/ What did I set myself up for?

Anyway, I need to post some pictures I haven't posted yet.

 

I keep playing with this loaner camera we're using. Pheeny looks a little dark in this one, but this is his "please fill my food bowl" face.

Anubunnie watching a cranefly he desperately wants to chase after and probably eat. Phoenix ate one not too long ago - gag.

Take a self-portrait (is that even the right word) with a camera that focuses depending on what you tell it to focus on is not easy. Do you know how many times I had to retake this picture to get it to actually focus on my face and not the cupboard, or the window, or the chairs in the background? That's probably why I look none too pleased.

Another attempt - this time I wanted it to focus on my eye, because I tried something new with the menagerie of makeup I have, and wanted to capture it. See how the camera decided to focus on the eye that is at the side of the frame? SMH. Ah well. I still think this picure is interesting, I guess.

My favourite dog in the world, Timbit (or Timmie, Timmy-ims, Itty-Bitty, the list goes on). This is her "wanna go for a walk?" face.

A new photo of me, with my kitty Phoenix and my cornsnake Stellaluna. Taken by my friend and roommate - work's website updated and I was told to get a new photo of myself with my pet (s). This is the one we chose.

 

 

 

 

 



So Many Questions (4)

31. How do you feel about using humans in medical research?

If we have to use animals, we should use ourselves.

 

32. What does "copy cat" mean to you?

Someone who copies something of someone else's. Or, plagerism (a deep pet peeve of mine).

 

33. What do you think about quasi ghosts?

First, allow me to quickly look that up, because I'm not familiar with the term.

So I understand that a quasi ghost is one that you see when you are awake, therefore excluding dream sequences/visions. So my answer to this question is that I do believe in them; I have seen them before on a few occasions (though mostly when I was a child).

 

34. What does "holds water" mean to you? What is your first memory?

According to the online dictionary, it has to do with an opinion that is wrong. My first memory of something like this....would probably be in school? I'm not sure.

 

35. When did you meet your first boyfriend or girlfriend?

Grade 9.

 

36. Describe your typical day, from wake to sleep.

Wake up, hit snooze at least once, if not twice. Struggle to get out of bed. Stumble down the stairs, feed the cats, stumble back upstairs. Lock self in bathroom for 10 minutes or so to improve appearance, get hair under control, and take care of other morning things. Then I stumble back down the stairs and make lunch for us, and if there's time (depending on the number of snoozes), some breakfast. Then there's 7-8 hours of work. Then home, feed the monsters (cats), feed ourselves, then depending on the day, it's either relax with tea and The Big Bang Theory, or grocery shopping, or walking around somewhere. Then sleep.

 

37. What would be your ideal birthday present, and why?

I really don't know.

 

38. If you could take home any animal from the zoo, which would it be, and what would you do with it?

A tiger, because they're awesome, and I'd keep it as a pet, because they're awesome.

 

39. Think of a loved one that you have lost. If you could ask this person one question, what would you ask, and what do you think they would say?

Both my grandmothers believed they would go to Heaven. I would ask either of them if they arrived there, and if they did, what it was like.

 

40. Where do you think you will be in 5 years?

I feel like I've answered this one before. :/



So Many Questions (3)

21. Did you do something today that you can be proud of?

I went to work...I'm not sure if that counts.

22. What is one thing that you are grateful for today?

The fact that life goes on. Despite long days, silly mistakes, and aching bones, life continues, and I will wake up tomorrow to do it all over again.

23. Did something happen to make you sad?

Part of me wants to say yes, today we euthanized a couple of sweet dogs. The other part of me says no, I am just sad because I am just sad.

24. Who is the one relative that you miss the most?

My gran (mom's mom). We were quite close...rather, she was close with the three of us. I miss her all the time.

25. What would you say to them if you could see them again?

I would tell her I love her, I miss her, that she taught me so much and I was never grateful for it as a child as I should have been. I would ask to hear more stories of her childhood. I would ask to hear more stories of my mom's childhood; my childhood. I would ask her to repeat the stories she's already told, so I could remember them better than I do now.

26. Why is it important to be genuine?

I'm a relatively honest person, or so I like to think. I think if everyone was genuine, the world would have less war and more peace. If everyone told the truth, was honest, was true from the start, things would be a little better. Maybe we'd be more advanced as a race. Because let's face it, we as humans are killing this planet and each other. Why can't everyone just be good?

27. Why do you think wars exist in this world?

Again, I am split on this one. Part of me wants to coyly say, "read what I just wrote for question 26". The other part of me wants to actually answer this question, differently from question 26. I'm going to go with the latter choice, in the interest of content for this post. Anyway, I think that wars exist because first and foremost, men are bored. Let's create jobs for people by employing them in the field of making artillery for war. That's why wars never end - its economically promising. Sick, isn't it, that we make money off people dying (then again, look at funeral homes)? But I'm getting off track here (again). The other reason, besides men being bored and war creating jobs, is that men are simple creatures (in reality, all human beings are), and they get their egos bruised, and HAVE to one-up the competition. Look at America and Russia and nuclear arms, all those years ago. Everyone just wanted to be better than the other. They ended up having to call a truce or the amount of nuclear warfare would have taken out not only the enemy in question, but also the rest of the planet. Ridiculous.

28. Why would we say that someone is "bananas"?

I could go literal here and say, well, they're crazy. Messed up in the head. Fucked up. Retarded. Nuts. But the list goes on, and really I don't think that's what it means. I think it means someone's different enough to be mistaken for one of the terms listed above. I would choose words like unique. Different. Cool. Kooky. Interesting.

29.Why do you think the ability to focus is an important quality?

If you can't focus, you can't relax. That's the way I see it. If you're at work all day, focused hard on so many things at once, you exhaust yourself, and you come home and lie on the couch, or go for a walk, or write useless blog posts that nobody reads. You de-stress from the chaos of the day, from focusing on everything at the same time. You focus on one or two things, or nothing at all, to detox yourself. If you don't focus in the first place, how on earth are you going to relax?

30. Explain why we say, "dead as a doornail".

Perhaps because doornails just hang there, limp, until someone lifts them. That sounds spiritual of me, I'm sorry. I'm going metaphorical, not spiritual, but I don't know how else to explain what I mean. I think that's what a doornail is, right? The thing you use to knock on the door with? Heavy and usually ornate? I don't know, and I'm too lazy to look it up (refer to question 29 regarding detoxing for more on this constant laziness of mine). 

So Many Questions (2)

11. What actor would you hire to play you in your TV movie biography, and why?

I don't think anyone would be interested in watching a biography about my life, but if I had to choose someone that would ensure people would watch it - Zooey Deschanel has been a longtime favourite female actress. Her blue eyes are visually striking! Everything I've seen her in I have enjoyed. Some, more than others. But the point rests. If not Zooey, I would choose Emily Blunt. Again, brunette, blue eyes, silent beauty. She never plays roles where she's obviously intended to be beautiful, but she always is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPKOvaTSGBg

Zooey and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (another fave, drool) in one of my favourite movies, (500) Days of Summer. This is one of my favourite scenes from the movie. "Darling, I don't know how to tell you this, but there's a Chinese family in our bathroom."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnU4dD0IdXg

A scene from Wild Target (a great UK comedy featuring Emily, Bill Nighy, and Rupert Grint) in which the sparks between Emily and Bill's characters start flying. He falls in love with her first, but she admits it first. Goodness do I ever love her in this movie.

12. If you died tomorrow, what would you be most remembered for?

Depends on who's remembering. If it was my roommate and longtime best friend, I really couldn't tell you. So many years of history there. If it was my family, they'd probably regret that I hadn't seen them this weekend - most of them were away at some time or another. If it was my coworkers, some may remember me as a friend, others as just a coworker. My circle of friends would probably remember me as their friend. I don't really have a good idea of how people percieve me, if you hadn't guessed already.

13. Name three people who's lives have been improved by knowing you, and say why.

Again, I don't have a good idea of how people perceive me. I can name one for sure, though it's not really going to be names. My roommate and best friend. In helping me grow and change, I like to think that I have helped her do the same. I like to think that we helped each other a lot throughout our high school days (dark days for most teens). I could go into detail, but I really don't want to explain my life story, haha. Another would be my friend in Ontario. I have never met him, but he's continually saying how important I am to him, and I know for a fact that I've helped pull him back from the abyss a few times now. He's never happier than when he's in a relationship, but because this world is flawed, those end from time to time. I try my best to help him through his troubles. And I guess, because I'm crazy and can't really think of anyone besides these three, I will include my dear friend from the US, who I've been talking to now since I was 18 (that was recently pointed out to me, and I was utterly shocked). We met on Facebook on a fluke; he made a comment on a random post on a page that I happened to "like"; I saw his post and commented attention to him that I agreed with his logic; he saw the comment I posted and decided to be friendly and add me so we could talk a little more. It was a great conversation, one of many. He is still one of my dearest friends, is getting married, and has a child on the way. I am so proud of him and hold him in a special place in my heart. If only we could meet one day for real!

14. If your life was a reality TV show, what would be the hook to draw viewers in?

Oh goodness, I don't know. I don't really have anything extra special that would be different enough to draw people in. I work in a vet clinic? Hah.

15. When was the last time you cried?

This one's easy. Last night, I was getting ready to give my cats dinner, and as they sat nicely in front of their dish, I spotted a massive wolf spider perched between them. I shrieked and my roommate scrambled over to kill it with a box and her foot. It scared me so much I wasn't able to bend down and give the cats their food (much to their displeasure), as that would mean getting closer to that freaky creature. Only when it was thoroughly squished and its curled remains flushed down the toilet was I able to finally give my cats their kibble (they were elated). It scared me so much I burst into tears, and since I hadn't cried in a long time, and I was so tired and stressed, the dam burst and I couldn't stop. :/

16. what is the earliest memory you have of a sibling?

Because my sister was born just under 2 years after I was, I don't have any early memories of her, but I do have memories of the two of us playing before my brother was born. I have a fuzzy memory of being in the hospital when my mother was pregnant with him, and waiting for him to be due. The nurses would only allow her ice chips (I later learned, in my adulthood, that this is because if they have to do an emergency C-section at any time, she will already be fasted), we snuck her grapes and other inconspicuous fruit on our visits. I don't remember my brother being born, I don't remember her coming home with him, but I do remember her in the hospital. I also remember when he was just a wee babe (ah yes, the Irish is coming out), my mom gave him to me to hold and allowed me to bottle-feed him. I have a photo of that, and I cherish it. I don't know why. I would have been no older than five.

17. What is the earliest photograph of yourself that you have that you remember when it was taken?

I remember my first birthday cake (white icing with strawberries) and there are several photos of that.

18. What is the longest you've had a "borrowed" item but not been able to return it because they moved?

I honestly don't know.

19. What did you eat as a child that you can't stand as an adult?

There are a couple things that come to mind: first, black raisins. You know, the ones that come in that little red box? Yes, we had those all the time as children, and god forbid you feed me a raisin now. Another thing is apple juice. I don't really care for it anymore, and we had it all the time as children. Then there's overly-sugared and -milked tea. When we were young, my mom would make us orange pekoe tea and let us put our own milk and sugar in. As children, tea tasted horribly bitter, so we always put in spoonful after spoonful of white sugar and milk. Now if you were to put white sugar in my tea, I'd drink it, but I wouldn't be happy about it. And I don't drink 1% milk anymore; we only buy skim. We drink Twinnings Earl Grey tea with brown sugar and skim milk - a little different than the diabetes-inducing tea of my childhood.

20. What is one thing that happened today that you really want to remember 20 years from now?

The feeling of coming home after work and not being responsible for anything. 20 years from now I assume I will have children, a job, etc. Responsibility all over the place! Right now my only duties are work, sleep, feed the cats, and occasional housework (when I feel like it, and certainly not every day...there's only the two of us, so we can get away with it).