Prep Day 2

Yesterday was better than the first day. My headache persisted until around 1 pm when it finally started to fade away. I called and ordered my cleanse, and it will arrive today.

Yesterday I didn't have much of an appetite, but here is an overview:

Green tea (throughout the day)

Water (throughout the day)

Small glass of orange juice (I'm aware this is sugar, it just seemed like a better alternative to delving into my stash of halloween candy because I was craving something sweet!)

Vegan chili, with tortilla chips

I was going to make a berry smoothie afterwards but didn't end up doing that after all. Instead I opted for a hot cup of water with lemon, and went to bed.

I know this doesn't sound like much, but I really didn't have much of an appetite. Especially first thing in the morning.

Love you for reading! xx

Prep Day 1

In preperation for the cleanse I'm starting on Tuesday, I have to do a 3 day prep period. 

This means no refined sugars, dairy, meat, coffee, and lots of water, incorporate plant based meals so the cleanse is most effective and my system doesn't completely crash with the adjustment.

Yesterday was Day 1. The worst thing about it was avoiding coffee. My caffeine headache started around 11 am and has continued into today - over 24 hours now. I knew it was coming, but that doesn't stop it from being horribly painful. Otherwise, yesterday looked like this:

Filtered water, first thing in the morning, and throughout the day

Handful of raw cashews/almonds

Salad with lettuce, cucumber, green pepper and organic caesar dressing (so I failed a little here, I didn't realize my dressing had cheese in it, whoops)

Green tea

Vegan crackers with organic peanut butter

Vegan crock pot chili with organic tortilla chips (not certified vegan but there weren't any animal ingredients that I could see)

 I plan to do a post every day about the previous day, so you can follow along with this experience. I placed my order today for the juices, and they should be arriving tomorrow, which will allow me to start Tuesday morning. That's it for now!

Love you for reading!

xx

Health and Juice Cleanse

Good afternoon, beautiful people of the internet.

Lately I've fallen off the health wagon. A combination of stress, Halloween chocolate, and nasty weather have contributed to this lovely little spell. However, I am determined (and by putting it in print somehow I must be held accountable) to get back on track.

 I'm strongly considering trying a juice cleanse for the first time. I am no stranger to green smoothies, so my concern is not the taste of the juice. I actually am pretty excited about it. My concern for doing this is the cost, more than anything. I don't have a juicer, so unless I go buy one and all the produce i would need - by my calculations and guides I've found online at least - it would cost a few hundred dollars to do a cleanse for 3+ days. I have a Nutribullet, but the point of that blender is to maintain the smoothie consistency. The point of juicing is to remove that fibrous content that a smoothie maintains. 

On the other hand, I've found a company out of Nanaimo which delivers cleanses, raw, cold pressed, organic, to your door. It would cost, with shipping, about $60/day. Which, if you add it up, is less than if I did it myself. The only thing is I don't know if I can handle spending the money on it! Ugh, the struggle.

Regardless of the juice cleanse thing, I am making an effort to make better choices again. I need to not fall off the wagon anymore. This should be a lifestyle for me.

I am walking my dog every day, drinking way too much water, and plenty of tea. I've also been trying to avoid meat products. I have made a new vegetarian friend who has inspired me to stop eating meat, or at least I'm cutting down on it. Eating meat really is not necessary, just with also being gluten free I find it difficult to cut out both things entirely and still have things to eat!

Anyway, looks like that's it for now. If I go ahead with the juice cleanse, I'll let you know how it went, my thoughts and experience. 

Love you for reading. xx

The return of the baby dreams

I haven't had a dream this vivid in a long time. I slept for almost 12 hours, only interrupted once, which is the longest consecutive sleep I've had in about a week. 

Anyway, my troubled sleep schedule is beside the point. I had another pregnancy/baby dream last night, and this one has continued to stick with me. I woke up confused, physically sore, and with blanket lines all over me - which can only mean that I slept very deeply. At least I think so.

Let me set the stage for you.

I was the same as I am today, but in a hospital, and my vision was patchy as I apparently was in the process of active labor. I could see black spots and hear muddy voices - all I wanted to hear was the cry that would tell me he lived. I blacked out.

When I woke up, I was more tired than I've been in my life. I looked around, took in the room that surrounded me, stuffy, too warm. I kicked the blankets off of my legs and tried to sit up. A nurse that couldn't be much younger than my mom came to my side and propped me up with a pillow behind my back. She smiled kindly and said something akin to, "you're in for a surprise, sweetheart". Of course my mind automatically gravitates to the dark possibility that my son had died. She saw the panic in my eyes and assured me, "No, there's nothing wrong dear. You'll see in a minute."

Another nurse then wheeled in a small, glass covered bassinet - not unlike the ones they keep in the hospital nurseries, but not the one they place premature infants in. I noted the blue blanket peeking from the corner and my heart soared. He lived.

"Here she comes." The older nurse placed her hand on my shoulder. 

"She?" My mind reeled. "No, it was a boy."

She smiled and we both watched as yet another nurse wheeled in a second bassinet, this one with a pink blanket. 

"Congratulations, sweetheart." The nurse by my side smiled and took my hand. "It's twins."

My stomach dropped through the floor. Twins?

Never in my dreams had I ended up with twins. So this dream was kind of a strange turn.

 Also, in this dream the only people I knew were my family and some coworkers. I didn't have any friends, my dog was there, but not my best friend. That's part of what made this so strange. My mom, sister, uncle, and Timbit were present. Also the person I strongly suspect as the father was present too. This is a person I know in this life, so I'm not going to post who they are.

Next they allowed  me to hold them each in turn. The father came into the room and smiled with that goofy grin - that said - "Would you just look at this." 

Through the rest of this dream, I was learning how to care for two babies and not one. He was around, but not too present and this dream seemed to focus on the babies themselves, not us. The boy was bigger than his sister but not by much. I remember at one point jokingly comparing them to puppies. It was at this point that Maia and Timbit raced around the living room at my mom's house and she yelled at them for roughhousing around the babies. So maybe in this dream I lived at my mom's house? My uncle was in the house for some reason, I guess to meet his great-niece and great-nephew. He kept bothering me about how I was looking after them with the father. I guess we had them out of wedlock so he wasn't too impressed? My mom was over the moon excited to have grandchildren. My sister was excited to have a niece and nephew and respected my choices. I guess this was my choice?

I'm not sure really where the dream was going...I woke up shortly after the scene at my mom's house. I call it my mom's house rather than my parent's because my dad was not involved in the dream. Anyway, super weird and is throwing me off. 

I guess that's all I can ramble about for right now. Thanks for reading, if anyone does.

x

Blogger Hiatus, Depression, Health

Health. Is that a word anyone else cringes at? If there was a word that made me feel instantly guilty, that's it. 

Living gluten free is not too much of a struggle for me anymore. I'm finding it easier to resist the easy grabs - bagels, take out pizza, soft wheat fast food buns, Timbits, birthday cake. How I miss the easy wheat-eating life. But it's working for me so far, and there's enough substitutions out there these days that I'm able to have the occasional piece of toast or blueberry muffin if I want it. 

I don't know what the problem is now, though. Dairy? I wonder if I need to cut out something else that I love just for the sake of my seemingly increasingly sensitive digestive system. Lately I've been very bad and have had Dairy Queen three times in the last week! Talk about the best way to throw off all the hard work you've put into eating healthy. My digestive system hates me, my skin is freaking out, and my hair is falling out. 

That's another thing. My hair is actually falling out.  I don't know if it's stress, diet, or shampoo. After brushing, or finger combing, I literally will have strands on my hands, brush, falling out. I will feel one brush along my arm while at work - when I wasn't even touching it. I mean really...I haven't changed anything. I always brush it, I've been straightening it almost daily for the last four months (always with heat protectant), and haven't dyed it in longer than that. I try to take good care of it, and this is how it repays me? By fleeing my head? Come on, hair, that's just not going to do.

We recently went down island to visit some great aunts and my great uncle. I think the only purpose for this visit was to make my mom happy - it was kind of a sad, dull, and awkward experience.  Spending the day hanging with 90-something relatives is not usually a barrel of laughs, but they are all of varying health, and none of it is great. It was good to see them...I don't often get the chance to go to family functions as they're usually short notice and on days that I work. Anyway. The thing that got me was while my mom proudly exclaimed about my younger siblings' success in post secondary, my sister's promise ring from her boyfriend, and my aunt's farm's exploits to her dying aunts and uncle, she always paused when she came to me, the bisexual, uneducated first born, who has done nothing but work at the same job for four years, and says a variation of the following to each relative: "...and Samantha...has a dog, which she takes to dog shows, and wins ribbons."

 I'm glad my biggest claim to fame is the fact that my dog exists.

"Give me a heads up before you tear me down." Sam Tsui "Heads Up"

I dream that I will become something someone can be proud of.

 The last conversation I had with my father centered around my dog, my roommate's car, the fact that my little brother is moving away for school, and the plans to move in the next 3-4 years. He described their new home as "downsized", with room for "our children, and their spouses, and their children". 

"Dad, you sure seem to have high hopes of procreation in the next couple of years."

"Well, your sister has her promise ring. Didn't you ever think of adoption?"

 YOU SAY THIS BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M GAY?!

For the record, I have nothing against lesbian and gay couples. It just killed me that he assumed I would never amount to whatever pedestal he has placed my siblings on and therefore would HAVE to adopt a child in order to have a family. Thanks, Dad.

I think that's all the rambling I have for today. Just back to my old ways and feeling pretty squashed lately. 

xx